Each year, I try to come up with some new ideas of things to do during Lent. I try my best to honor the thing(s) I pick, but sometimes (ok, more often than I would like to admit) I forget & then say, "Well, I already fell off the wagon, so what's the point of continuing?" But this year, I am not allowing myself that conversation. Even if I get busy & forget for a week, I will still continue as best I can through the end of Lent.
By our very nature, mothers are constantly sacrificing for our husband & children. And it is important to feel that we are sacrificing during this very holy time in the Church. After all, we are preparing ourselves to celebrate the beauty of Jesus' sacrifice...the ultimate sacrifice. My list of Lenten ideas includes some new ways to sacrifice for others, but also strongly focuses on ways to enrich your spirituality during this time. Pick one or two to do this Lent. I hope you will join me on this journey & I look forward to hearing about your Lenten journey.
1. Get up 30 min before your alarm & spend that time in prayer. If you need a good reflection book, I recommend A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms.
2. If you use a dishwasher, wash the dishes from one of your meals each day by hand. Use the time to pray.
3. Donate your time to a shelter for abused women & children.
4. Fast in between meals. Offer it up for the souls lost to abortion & miscarriage.
5. Compliment a fellow family on how great it is to see them bring young children to Mass.
6. Listen to Catholic Radio. We recently got EWTN Radio in our area...it is changing my life! If it isn't broadcast in your area, you can listen to it at iHeartRadio.
7. Find someone to watch the kids so you can go to confession. This can be a tough one for moms because if your kids are little like mine, you can't bring them into the confessional, but you can't leave them unattended in a pew.
8. Take the money you would spend on your Starbucks habit (or whatever other spending vice you have) & donate it to the CRS Rice Bowl initiative.
9. Send a handwritten note to another mom friend. We all know the joy of getting something heartfelt & unexpected in the mail.
10. At bedtime, recite the Hail Mary with your children. If they don't know it, they will by the end of Lent. If they learn that, add another prayer each evening. We are working on learning the St. Michael prayer right now.
11. Invite your priest to dinner at your house. They appreciate the fellowship!
12. Start a weekly family prayer night. Use the Live IT Gathering Guide & weekly videos to open dialogue & prayerfully prepare for the coming week's Gospel reading.
13. When you see your husband doing a habit that drives you crazy, offer it up rather than bugging him about it.
14. Give your husband a kiss before you go your separate ways for the day. Likewise, give him a kiss goodnight.
15. Offer authentic, kind smiles to other moms you see. Sometimes we are too quick to judge each other.
16. Pray with your kids in the car on the way to school. Ask them who they want to pray for. Appreciate the beauty & simplicity of their prayers.
17. Sign up for the Best Lent Ever from Dynamic Catholic. You will receive a daily email/video to help focus your day & challenge you to change your habits. I signed up today & I'm BEYOND excited about it!
18.Pray the Litany of Humility every day.
19. Join the 50 Shades of Grace novena. Let's pray for the end of such a violent pornographic film. You can also join the "50 Bucks not 50 Shades" campaign & donate $50 to a domestic violence shelter or pregnancy crisis center.
20. Dedicate 6 minutes every day of Lent to read the Little Black Book. The book was distributed by our local parish; Jesse & I are both planning to use it this year. You can order one online for $4. They are compact & convenient while guiding you through the Passion story. It only takes a few minutes to read. Put it in your car & read it while waiting to pick up your kids from school or practice.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Marriage: A Covenant
Today is my parents' 30th wedding anniversary. I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today, reflecting on the example that my parents set for my brother & me, thinking about all the ups & downs they've experienced in thirty years together, wondering what the next thirty years will have in store.
When I look at a picture of my parents on their wedding day, I can see the youthful excitement in their eyes. They were young, my mom was 20 & my dad was 26. Although I'm sure they had some disagreements while dating & during their engagement, overall they felt nothing but bliss as they set out to begin their lives together.
A few months after their seventh wedding anniversary, my dad became seriously ill. Initially, doctors believed he had a severe case of the flu; but as the months of dehydration, nausea & fatigue continued, they began to believe it was something more serious. Ultimately, he was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS). My dad's illness became a catalyst of change for our family, especially for their marriage. My mom, who had been our homemaker, went back to school & eventually earned two degrees. My dad became "Mr. Mom," taking us to school, sports practices, appointments, etc. The dynamic of their marriage took a sudden shift. But they were still the same two people who stood at the altar that day & took a vow before God to honor & care for each other in sickness & in health. Of course, when you say those words, you don't really know what types of challenges life has ahead for you. But that is all part of taking the leap of faith & trusting that with God & your spouse, you will be able to accept whatever comes in your path.
Although I'm not thankful my dad got sick & I would give anything in the world for him to get better, I wouldn't trade the experiences we've had as a result of the illness. My brother & I were never guarded from the fact that mom & dad sometimes disagreed or argued. But what we learned by seeing those things was that despite the fact that they might not agree, they always loved each other. I know for a fact that it was their vow, their covenant before God, that has kept them together for thirty years.
So now, when I look at my own wedding photo, I wonder, what sorts of challenges will life throw at us? In six years of marriage, we've had our fair share of ups & downs. There are times when we can't stand each other & I wonder what on earth did I get myself into, but in those moments, I find God pulling at my heart, causing me to take a long hard look at my actions & hopefully making better, faith-filled decisions. Marriage is a journey of sacrifice, learning the ultimate love comes through giving unto others, especially your spouse. The covenant Jesse & I made on our wedding day is our bond to each other & to God. Although it has its difficult moments, I honor that covenant more & more as we continue on our path together. Hopefully in 24 years, we'll be able to share a story of unending love through trials & tribulations, ups & downs, with our girls & those around us just as my parents are exemplifying to us today.
When I look at a picture of my parents on their wedding day, I can see the youthful excitement in their eyes. They were young, my mom was 20 & my dad was 26. Although I'm sure they had some disagreements while dating & during their engagement, overall they felt nothing but bliss as they set out to begin their lives together.
 |
| My Parents on their Wedding Day |
Although I'm not thankful my dad got sick & I would give anything in the world for him to get better, I wouldn't trade the experiences we've had as a result of the illness. My brother & I were never guarded from the fact that mom & dad sometimes disagreed or argued. But what we learned by seeing those things was that despite the fact that they might not agree, they always loved each other. I know for a fact that it was their vow, their covenant before God, that has kept them together for thirty years.
So now, when I look at my own wedding photo, I wonder, what sorts of challenges will life throw at us? In six years of marriage, we've had our fair share of ups & downs. There are times when we can't stand each other & I wonder what on earth did I get myself into, but in those moments, I find God pulling at my heart, causing me to take a long hard look at my actions & hopefully making better, faith-filled decisions. Marriage is a journey of sacrifice, learning the ultimate love comes through giving unto others, especially your spouse. The covenant Jesse & I made on our wedding day is our bond to each other & to God. Although it has its difficult moments, I honor that covenant more & more as we continue on our path together. Hopefully in 24 years, we'll be able to share a story of unending love through trials & tribulations, ups & downs, with our girls & those around us just as my parents are exemplifying to us today.
 |
| Jesse & I on our Wedding Day |
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Real. True. Love.
Jesse & I have our fair share of arguments. Sometimes they have to do with important issues & other times they are less significant. As we approach our sixth wedding anniversary, I have been thinking about all the times we got angry with each other in the previous six (ten - if you count our dating/courtship period before getting married) years.
What I've realized about all our previous fights is this: try as I might, there were really very few arguments where I could recall the actual topic we were fighting about. My memories were much clearer when remembering the things we said/did during our arguments. And that really spoke volumes to me about the importance of my actions. When Jesse gives talks to his religious education teachers, he tells them that the kids won't remember what you taught them, they'll remember who you were. I think the same goes for how we treat not only our spouses, but our family members, friends, co-workers and complete strangers.
Jesse & I have given countless talks on marriage for our local Pre-Cana retreats. One of the things we stress to these soon-to-be-married couples is the importance of fighting fair, especially during the inevitable arguments. If you're thinking about winning the argument, then that means your spouse will lose. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to hurt Jesse or fight in such a way that he feels like less of a husband. This is not to say that we have idyllic arguments, but we usually try our best to vocalize how we are feeling. These skills have gotten better the longer we've been married (after all, we've had lots of practice!).
That being said, when we do have arguments & need some time apart to blow off some steam, I usually end up pouring my energy into something. As a result, my dishes are usually done, a load of laundry gets folded or the bathroom gets cleaned. Recently, I heard this song, which I think is my new post-argument anthem. Although it might be a little harsh for some, I find the frank emotions of the song point to the irony of a strong, committed marriage. After all, when you devote yourself to a lifelong Sacrament, you are going to feel crazy with your spouse sometimes. But the irony is that even though he may drive me crazy, at the end of the day, I feel God's presence working in my life, in our marriage, and I can't imagine myself anywhere else.
What I've realized about all our previous fights is this: try as I might, there were really very few arguments where I could recall the actual topic we were fighting about. My memories were much clearer when remembering the things we said/did during our arguments. And that really spoke volumes to me about the importance of my actions. When Jesse gives talks to his religious education teachers, he tells them that the kids won't remember what you taught them, they'll remember who you were. I think the same goes for how we treat not only our spouses, but our family members, friends, co-workers and complete strangers.
Jesse & I have given countless talks on marriage for our local Pre-Cana retreats. One of the things we stress to these soon-to-be-married couples is the importance of fighting fair, especially during the inevitable arguments. If you're thinking about winning the argument, then that means your spouse will lose. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to hurt Jesse or fight in such a way that he feels like less of a husband. This is not to say that we have idyllic arguments, but we usually try our best to vocalize how we are feeling. These skills have gotten better the longer we've been married (after all, we've had lots of practice!).
That being said, when we do have arguments & need some time apart to blow off some steam, I usually end up pouring my energy into something. As a result, my dishes are usually done, a load of laundry gets folded or the bathroom gets cleaned. Recently, I heard this song, which I think is my new post-argument anthem. Although it might be a little harsh for some, I find the frank emotions of the song point to the irony of a strong, committed marriage. After all, when you devote yourself to a lifelong Sacrament, you are going to feel crazy with your spouse sometimes. But the irony is that even though he may drive me crazy, at the end of the day, I feel God's presence working in my life, in our marriage, and I can't imagine myself anywhere else.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Family Time Out
Well, it finally happened....our family went on vacation! But before you get images of a relaxing beach, a theme park or some exotic location, let me stop you there. We drove 7 hours to Indianapolis for my cousin's high school graduation. Months ago, when we first began planning our trip, I suggested that since we would have to be in Indy anyway, we might as well spend a few extra days there & do some fun activities with the girls. How nice it would be to take the girls to the Children's Museum (I haven't been there since I was little) as well as check out the Indy Zoo (we have a love of zoos & check them out in all the areas we visit).
The weather was perfect, sunny & warm. Perhaps the best part of this vacation was that it gave me time to reflect & take a pause from everyday life. I cannot express how wonderful it was to spend 7 straight days with my husband & children. Although there were a few stressful moments, overall we had a wonderful time just being together as a family.
Although I wish we were able to get away like this more often, it certainly helped me appreciate the time we did have. And, as with all vacations, I was all too quickly thrown back into the chaos of everyday life. But, I came away from this trip with the awareness that I need to carve out some time for myself each day, as well as continue my effort to have more family time.
Sorry I've been away from the blog world for so long. This little vacation also reminded me why I started this blog in the first place & I look forward to posting lots more about life as a youth minister's wife!
 |
| My aunt took this picture right after we got back from Mass. I'm so blessed! |
Although I wish we were able to get away like this more often, it certainly helped me appreciate the time we did have. And, as with all vacations, I was all too quickly thrown back into the chaos of everyday life. But, I came away from this trip with the awareness that I need to carve out some time for myself each day, as well as continue my effort to have more family time.
Sorry I've been away from the blog world for so long. This little vacation also reminded me why I started this blog in the first place & I look forward to posting lots more about life as a youth minister's wife!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
May the Sixth...Maybe Not
Beginning with the birth of our third daughter, Madeline, back in July, our lives have been a whirlwind. I'm used to the fast paced life that comes with children, working full-time & keeping up with the youth minister schedule. But, when Jesse took his job as a religious education coordinator shortly after Maddie was born, this pace seemed to kick into high gear. One of the main reasons for this was because the job required much more time & energy, along with the many meetings, events & sacraments to prepare for. When I wrote out the craziness of each month on our refrigerator white board, Jesse & I would remind ourselves, "We just have to get to May 6th." For on that date was the last major event of the year...confirmation. Then, after that, we knew the pace would slow & we could spend significantly more time together.
May 6th has come & gone. And in reality, our hopes shouldn't have hinged on that date since it has taken a few weeks for things to start to slow down. Regardless, we are now weeks past that date & the pace has slowed, if only a little bit. As much as I would like to say we've rekindled our romance, spent evenings engaged in deep conversation or something like that, I can't. As a matter of fact, things have been really difficult for us since our time together has increased.
I feel like we've spent the past 5+ years learning how to be apart, developing our own routines & nuances. And now that our time overlaps, we are stumbling all over each other. When asked if we would recognize each other now that we have more time together, I jokingly told someone that, "Most couples have difficulties because they drift apart. We'll be the ones with issues because we're too close." But really, there is a lot of truth in that statement. We are certainly having trouble coping.
So I've been praying a lot & finding comfort in the little things. When Jesse had been a youth minister for a year or two, I came upon the song, Lead Me by Sanctus Real. I find myself coming back to this time and again when we hit a difficult patch. I encourage all couples, especially those with long hours away from each other, to listen to this & find encouragement & strength in the lyrics.
"Show me you're willing to fight. That I'm still the love of your life. I know we call this our home, but I still feel alone."
May 6th has come & gone. And in reality, our hopes shouldn't have hinged on that date since it has taken a few weeks for things to start to slow down. Regardless, we are now weeks past that date & the pace has slowed, if only a little bit. As much as I would like to say we've rekindled our romance, spent evenings engaged in deep conversation or something like that, I can't. As a matter of fact, things have been really difficult for us since our time together has increased.
I feel like we've spent the past 5+ years learning how to be apart, developing our own routines & nuances. And now that our time overlaps, we are stumbling all over each other. When asked if we would recognize each other now that we have more time together, I jokingly told someone that, "Most couples have difficulties because they drift apart. We'll be the ones with issues because we're too close." But really, there is a lot of truth in that statement. We are certainly having trouble coping.
So I've been praying a lot & finding comfort in the little things. When Jesse had been a youth minister for a year or two, I came upon the song, Lead Me by Sanctus Real. I find myself coming back to this time and again when we hit a difficult patch. I encourage all couples, especially those with long hours away from each other, to listen to this & find encouragement & strength in the lyrics.
"Show me you're willing to fight. That I'm still the love of your life. I know we call this our home, but I still feel alone."
Monday, April 22, 2013
Marrying Up
While trolling through some Catholic ministry blogs, I came across this post. It made me smile because my husband has often said that he "married up" & has been told this by different people on quite a few occasions over the years. So this had me suspicious...wondering if this is an inside term all the youth ministers use to describe their spouses. Perhaps it is supposed to help us feel better when we hear it; in that moment it helps make up for the long hours & time spent away from home. If so, I think it's a pretty good strategy because, let's face it, we all like to feel appreciated & acknowledged from time to time!
I pride myself on being a strong support system for Jesse's ministry. Even though I'm not at youth group, going to concerts or camping trips, I do feel like I am contributing. When Jesse first became a youth minister, it was hard for me to deal with all the time we spent apart. I felt very disconnected from what he was doing & almost like I was in competition for his attention. But over time, I have matured & allowed myself to get more involved (directly & indirectly), which has helped me become more empathetic to the dedication of time & energy it takes to be a youth minister.
By taking a genuine interest in his programs, retreats, youth groups, etc, I feel more connected as a couple. In fact, in 5 years of ministry, Jesse has never made me feel that my contributions are insignificant. Rather, he says exactly the opposite. Nothing makes me feel more special as a wife than when my husband tells me there is absolutely no way he could do what he does without my love & support. He understands & appreciates the sacrifices I make so that he can do what he does. I feel like an integral part of "our" ministry & have no doubt that we have made the right decisions to be exactly where we are right now.
However, knowing it's right in no way means it is easy! I have to constantly stop myself from saying, "Do you really have to work tonight?" though I admittedly still say it a couple (ok, maybe more!) times a week. But, when I am able to surrender to it, as difficult as that may be, there are always positive things that happen as a result. I just remind myself that I married up... :)
I pride myself on being a strong support system for Jesse's ministry. Even though I'm not at youth group, going to concerts or camping trips, I do feel like I am contributing. When Jesse first became a youth minister, it was hard for me to deal with all the time we spent apart. I felt very disconnected from what he was doing & almost like I was in competition for his attention. But over time, I have matured & allowed myself to get more involved (directly & indirectly), which has helped me become more empathetic to the dedication of time & energy it takes to be a youth minister.
By taking a genuine interest in his programs, retreats, youth groups, etc, I feel more connected as a couple. In fact, in 5 years of ministry, Jesse has never made me feel that my contributions are insignificant. Rather, he says exactly the opposite. Nothing makes me feel more special as a wife than when my husband tells me there is absolutely no way he could do what he does without my love & support. He understands & appreciates the sacrifices I make so that he can do what he does. I feel like an integral part of "our" ministry & have no doubt that we have made the right decisions to be exactly where we are right now.
However, knowing it's right in no way means it is easy! I have to constantly stop myself from saying, "Do you really have to work tonight?" though I admittedly still say it a couple (ok, maybe more!) times a week. But, when I am able to surrender to it, as difficult as that may be, there are always positive things that happen as a result. I just remind myself that I married up... :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)