Zach Sobiech

We are all given a finite time on this earth, realizing that someday we will pass on from this place to the next.  However, "someday" is so vague, we often (myself included) forget how truly valuable each day is since we don't know the day or time we will be called home to our Heavenly Father.  Although it would be emotionally exhausting to think of each day as our last & wonder when it will be our time to go, I think we should at least try our very best to remember that each day were are given is a blessing from God.  And it is our job to try & do our very best with

Every once & a while the media will catch hold of a story of someone with a terminal illness, given a finite amount of time to live, and share their stories of hope, perseverance & attitude of living for the moment. Recently, I heard such a story, that of Zach Sobiech, a young man who was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, a rare form of bone cancer that is often deadly in children.  At the age of 14 he was diagnosed and at the age of 17, he was given months to live.

I watched the documentary of his life & felt incredibly inspired by his attitude, "You don't have to find out you're dying to start living."  Zach used the power of music to express his final thoughts to his family & friends.  The song "Clouds" has become a YouTube sensation.  Although the situation is incredibly sad, the song is remarkably uplifting & encouraging.

Zach found solace attending mass by himself early in the mornings.  He & his family had a devotion to St. Peregrine & even made a pilgrimage to Lourdes to visit the healing waters.  His family found strength & comfort knowing that this was a part of their earthly journey, but that it was not truly the end.

I don't know that I could react to this type of situation with the same type of faith & dignity that Zach did.  Listening to his songs, I am reminded of the many blessings I have in my life.  Although there are plenty of times when I am stressed by the kids or frustrated by Jesse's long hours away from home, it is in those times when I need to take a step back & thank God.  He has blessed all of us with so many wonderful things.  It shouldn't take a tragedy to make us realize it.

I have been drafting this post for a couple of weeks.  Sadly, Zach Sobiech passed away yesterday, May 20, at the age of 18.  Eternal rest, grant unto him O Lord & let perpetual light shine upon him.

Let Go & Let God

As I wrote in this post, I have someone in my life, "Jon," who has proclaimed his decision to actively be in a same-sex relationship.  When I left off on my last post, Jesse & I had decided to limit our contact with Jon because of his lifestyle decisions.  Unfortunately, not much as changed since then.  When Jon & I had our falling out during Holy Week, he said some very hurtful things.  Now, I understand we all sometimes say things when we are angry, but that is still no excuse.  So, I have asked him to apologize for these things before we can begin to talk & hopefully heal our relationship.  But that apology has not happened yet & the more time that passes, the more I am beginning to feel it may never happen.

Coming to this realization has been a very difficult thing to deal with.  When all of this started, I didn't expect to be at the point where I am now.  But that is true about a lot of things in life, isn't it?  We never know what sort of ripple effects will result from our actions & decisions.  It can be nerve-wracking to contemplate all the various outcomes to our potential choices.  We (especially those of us with control issues!) want to feel like we are in charge & maintain control over our lives.  But the truth is, we can only be truly happy if we relinquish control & let God take over.  Our Heavenly Father wants the best for us, it is up to us to listen & follow His will.

As frustrating as it is, I know that I can't force Jon to understand my decisions.  I can't force him to end his same-sex relationship; I can't make him turn to the Eucharist & find healing through Confession & Mass.  As much as those things bother me, I have to take that energy & channel it into prayers.  Prayers that God warms Jon's heart, prayers that Jon's faith strengthens, prayers of mercy for Jon & prayers for faith & hope for all of us impacted by Jon's choices.

I have found a lot of solace in music during challenging times in my life.  Lately, the song I have been listening to that has touched my heart during this trying time has been "Not Alone" by Family Force 5.  The chorus says:

Cause I don't hurt when you say it
I hear your words, I can make it
I need you now, I want you now
To tell me that I'm not alone

May we all surrender ourselves to You & open our hearts to Your will.  Allow us to hear Your words, reminding us we are never alone; even in the darkest moments when all seems lost, remind us of Your presence.  Amen.

Work-Life Balance Introduction

At the time when Jesse was offered his first youth minister job, we were 6 months pregnant with our first child (we waited to find out it was a daughter until the day she made her arrival!).  We made a list of all the pros & cons that this new opportunity would bring.  Right near the very top of the "Pros" column was "flexible schedule."  Since youth groups happen in the evenings, Jesse would be able to stay home during the day with our little one.  Although we were a mere 3 months away from meeting our little girl, we hadn't yet discussed what would happen when my 6 weeks of maternity leave ended & I had to go back to work.  It was a conversation I was certainly putting off because I didn't want to think about the day I had to drop my newborn off at a daycare & then go into work for the day.  I understand that daycare is a blessing for parents who have to work daytime jobs, but in my heart I knew it wasn't going to work for us.  If I would have to continue working (a necessity when your job carries all the healthcare benefits as well as necessary income) after our daughter was born, I could only imagine being comfortable with her being with Jesse all day.

So, we made the decision that Jesse would take the youth ministry job.  At the time, he was working 50+ hours a week at a job placement service & wanted to remain there for as long as possible, which meant right up until I had to go back to work.  So, he continued to work there during the day & lay the groundwork for youth group in the evenings.  Needless to say, when our daughter was born, I spent most of my maternity leave by myself (looking back, this should have been a warning of things to come!).

I am blessed to be able to go to work in the mornings & know that my daughters are being taken care of by their dad.  I think it has made him a better parent & has formed a strong bond between Daddy & his little girls.  All that being said, there are very few days that I walk out the door & don't wish it was me being able to stay home with them.  Or at least be able to do this.  There are certainly times when I am thankful that I can go to work & get a break from all the craziness that comes with having 3 little ones.  But I miss them terribly when I'm away & can't wait to come home cuddling & playing with my girls again!

Marrying Up

While trolling through some Catholic ministry blogs, I came across this post.  It made me smile because my husband has often said that he "married up" & has been told this by different people on quite a few occasions over the years.  So this had me suspicious...wondering if this is an inside term all the youth ministers use to describe their spouses.  Perhaps it is supposed to help us feel better when we hear it; in that moment it helps make up for the long hours & time spent away from home.  If so, I think it's a pretty good strategy because, let's face it, we all like to feel appreciated & acknowledged from time to time!

I pride myself on being a strong support system for Jesse's ministry.  Even though I'm not at youth group, going to concerts or camping trips, I do feel like I am contributing.  When Jesse first became a youth minister, it was hard for me to deal with all the time we spent apart.  I felt very disconnected from what he was doing & almost like I was in competition for his attention.  But over time, I have matured & allowed myself to get more involved (directly & indirectly), which has helped me become more empathetic to the dedication of time & energy it takes to be a youth minister.

By taking a genuine interest in his programs, retreats, youth groups, etc, I feel more connected as a couple.  In fact, in 5 years of ministry, Jesse has never made me feel that my contributions are insignificant.  Rather, he says exactly the opposite.  Nothing makes me feel more special as a wife than when my husband tells me there is absolutely no way he could do what he does without my love & support.  He understands & appreciates the sacrifices I make so that he can do what he does.  I feel like an integral part of "our" ministry & have no doubt that we have made the right decisions to be exactly where we are right now.

However, knowing it's right in no way means it is easy!  I have to constantly stop myself from saying, "Do you really have to work tonight?" though I admittedly still say it a couple (ok, maybe more!) times a week.  But, when I am able to surrender to it, as difficult as that may be, there are always positive things that happen as a result.  I just remind myself that I married up... :)

Difficult Choices

A couple weeks ago, we began Holy Week, the season when we remember the events leading up to Jesus' crucifixion; the ultimate sacrifice made for us so that we may live with Him eternally in paradise.  It is surely an emotional season, but one that brings with it beautiful symbolism & ceremonies in the Church.  But this year was particularly difficult for me.  I have been struggling for a long time with how to handle a certain situation & unfortunately it all came to a head during the week.

I have someone who I'm very close to in my life; I'll call him "Jon" so as not to overkill using "a friend" and also to keep him anonymous, since for the purpose of this blog, I would rather focus on his choices than his identity.  For a couple years, I have been hearing second-hand that Jon is either bi-sexual or homosexual.  Several months ago, Jon & I went out to dinner & he shared with me his decision to actively pursue a relationship with a man.  In fact, he informed me that he had been dating men for quite some time & just recently entered into a relationship that made him happy.  For the first time since his struggle with same-sex attraction (SSA) began, he was feeling comfortable in his own skin.

I would like to say that I sat at that dinner table & began to express my disappointment with his decision & rattle off some theological arguments for why homosexual relationships are not approved in the Catholic Church.  However, since Jon grew up with the same Catholic values & morals as I did, he was already well aware of the Church's position.  So instead, I chose to sit there, listening to him & seeing the happiness in his face, all the while feeling my conscience tugging at my heart.

After some prayer & consideration, I chose to share this article written by Steve Gershom with Jon.  If you have anyone in your life struggling with SSA, I highly recommend reading Steve's blog.  I found an incredible amount of consolation in the fact that you can have SSA & be a full member of the Catholic Church.  And, just like with any vocation, there are struggles & sacrifices, but the overall message is that you can still be a happy, active member of your faith & continue to receive the Eucharist.

Unfortunately, Jon's response was motivated by anger at the perceived judgement of his life.  He clearly stated that living chaste was just "not for him" & he would continue to pursue his relationship whether we liked it or not.  Since Jesse & I have had countless conversations about this subject, I knew what my next move had to be.  I knew in my heart that Jon's choice goes against everything we believe & would compromise his ability to receive the Eucharist.  Because I love & care enough for Jon, Jesse & I told him that we would have no choice but to limit our contact with him.  In addition, we didn't feel our children, who are too young & impressionable to form their own opinions much less have any idea of what was happening, should be exposed to the choices Jon was making for himself.

Our choice to limit conversation with Jon has caused a lot of turmoil but we stand firm & hope that one day, Jon will open himself up to the possibility that perhaps he can live a chaste life.  I continue to pray every day for this to happen, but ultimately he has to make his own choice.  Contrary to what some might say, I love Jon with all my heart & it is because I love him so much that I had to take a stand.  I care so much that I want to see him in the eternal paradise, which is worth giving up earthly happiness for.

Serenity

Lately I've been dealing with some very difficult decisions (more to come on this later).  Although I know I am making the right choices, it still doesn't make the consequences of my decisions any easier.  I have been living the adage, "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."  Even with that understanding, I have been searching for a sense of understanding; A sign, if you will, that I am doing the right thing.

I have always found solace in the beautiful words of the commonly known "Serenity Prayer."  The other night, I was researching the exact wording of this prayer when I stumbled upon the full length version.  Although the first few lines are most well known, it was the second half of this prayer that brought me the peace & calm that I desperately needed.

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

 

Amen.

What I've learned in the kitchen

I am not a cook, not even close.  Before we got married, my repertoire included such dishes as macaroni & cheese (from a box), ramen noodles, grilled cheese & egg salad sandwiches.  All highly gourmet options...not!  For several years before we got married, Jesse was the manager for a restaurant chain, so he did all of the actual cooking when we would get together.  I managed to survive on whatever I threw together.

After we got married, our cooking pattern continued.  Jesse left his job at the restaurant & spent a few months out of work before his next job, so he had lots of time to cook meals.  However, once he began his demanding youth minister job, his hours at home started to dwindle.  Not long after, our oldest, Sophia, was born.  For the past few years, and two more children, I have managed to make my way through the kitchen without setting anything on fire!  Although I always wanted to become more kitchen savvy, it wasn't until Jesse was unavailable to cook that I realized, "I cannot raise my family on frozen dinners & basic, college staples!"  It was certainly scary to think about truly cooking, but I understood the importance of getting good nutrients into our diets.  Plus, I have very fond memories of family dinners growing up and I wanted my girls to have similar experiences.

Everyone has heard the expression, "If God leads you to it, He will take you through it."  Perhaps a bit dramatic for my cooking stories, nonetheless, I have found this expression to be very helpful during various trials in my life.  It can be easy to point blame or ask, "Why me, God?" when dealing with difficult circumstances, but I find it much more productive to try and focus on gathering strength from God & growing closer to Him in prayer.  Only when we are at our weakest, most vulnerable moments, can God truly mold us & teach us so we can become more loving, more Christ-like.

Today I read a blog from a woman not much older than me, who had successfully fought cancer twice.  When she was diagnosed the second time, she was unsure if she would have the strength to go through it again.  Her mantra was, "The strongest steel has to go through the hottest fire." Our company is involved in the metals market, so I'm familiar with the process...hot blocks of steel are pushed through a series of hot (and by hot, I mean about as hot as lava) rolls until the steel is the desired dimensions.  As the steel cools, it has time to "de-stress," thus the finished product has fewer surface stresses & is, essentially, a stronger steel.  The imagery of this is something I plan to use during my prayer/meditation.  God wants take each and every one of us and "roll" us...mold us...into a more beautiful, strong person.  Yet, He is willing to show us the way & be with us along the journey as we learn how.

Though I'm far from the perfect cook & I still make lots of mistakes, I take every experience as a learning opportunity.  I relish in the success of making something that my family enjoys & even requests!  But, I also know I have a long way to go.  Thankfully, I have a house full of empty tummies willing to try my offerings.  I only hope we can be so open to the courses that God has in store for us.