Maybe it's because I work full-time. Perhaps it's because I have three children ages 1, 3 & 5. Or that my husband & I are ships passing in the night when it comes to time spent together. Whatever it is, lately I can't help but feel like I can't keep up...
My house looks like a mess...all day...every day. I will never be featured in a lovely Pinterest picture or capture my latest home organizing project in a post here. I'm just trying to stay on top of the daily stuff (and failing miserably).
The dishes are never-ending & did I mention the only dishwasher I own is currently typing this blog?!
I'm drowning - in laundry, piles of bills/mail, papers/handouts from school & overall clutter.
I live in 1,000 sq ft. That's it. For three children, two adults, one cat & all of our clothes/food/toys/memories/etc. It's not nearly enough. Not by a long shot.
I write a blog (when I find the time & feel inspired) but I don't think anyone actually reads it except for my husband. "Hello, is anybody out there?"
I make to-do lists & feel accomplished if I can check off one thing.
I feel like I'm buried so deep in a hole that I can't even see the daylight. I'd love to figure out a better way to conquer some of these items, but I have to find some motivation first. Living with all of these things day in & day out for years makes it difficult to get excited about change.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
Unpruned Fruit
Although I am by no means a gardener, I am familiar with the concept that in order for trees, shrubs & other plants to flourish, they must be trimmed. I always have difficulty understanding why you have to thin out by trimming off perfectly good branches. To the untrained eye, that seems nonsensical. But, any green thumb will tell you that pruning is a necessary step in order to have beautiful, fruitful & healthy plants.
I recently read an article in my hometown paper about a local green thumb who did not heed the advice to prune back her peach trees. She thought, as I do, that her peach tree would be alright if she didn't prune off most of the small, healthy young fruits. Unfortunately, when the peaches ripened, the branch broke under the weight of the all the peaches. This left her tree weakened...pitiful.
I can't imagine a better analogy to my everyday life. Although I don't have a lot of control over all the things we say yes to in ministry, it is clear that we frequently find ourselves overwhelmed with the sheer magnitude of things that need to get done & require our attention. It's incredibly difficult to say no to anything because frankly, when you are talking about a matter of faith, it's hard to say no!
I recently read an article in my hometown paper about a local green thumb who did not heed the advice to prune back her peach trees. She thought, as I do, that her peach tree would be alright if she didn't prune off most of the small, healthy young fruits. Unfortunately, when the peaches ripened, the branch broke under the weight of the all the peaches. This left her tree weakened...pitiful.
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| Photo by Linna Roemer |
But, that being said, how good am I to anyone if I am spread thin? Isn't it more powerful to do a few things right than to do a bunch of things half-hearted? As I go about my week, I plan to think about each thing I'm doing & whether it is adding value to my faith, family or personal well-being. If not, then I might have to get out my pruning shears.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Real. True. Love.
Jesse & I have our fair share of arguments. Sometimes they have to do with important issues & other times they are less significant. As we approach our sixth wedding anniversary, I have been thinking about all the times we got angry with each other in the previous six (ten - if you count our dating/courtship period before getting married) years.
What I've realized about all our previous fights is this: try as I might, there were really very few arguments where I could recall the actual topic we were fighting about. My memories were much clearer when remembering the things we said/did during our arguments. And that really spoke volumes to me about the importance of my actions. When Jesse gives talks to his religious education teachers, he tells them that the kids won't remember what you taught them, they'll remember who you were. I think the same goes for how we treat not only our spouses, but our family members, friends, co-workers and complete strangers.
Jesse & I have given countless talks on marriage for our local Pre-Cana retreats. One of the things we stress to these soon-to-be-married couples is the importance of fighting fair, especially during the inevitable arguments. If you're thinking about winning the argument, then that means your spouse will lose. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to hurt Jesse or fight in such a way that he feels like less of a husband. This is not to say that we have idyllic arguments, but we usually try our best to vocalize how we are feeling. These skills have gotten better the longer we've been married (after all, we've had lots of practice!).
That being said, when we do have arguments & need some time apart to blow off some steam, I usually end up pouring my energy into something. As a result, my dishes are usually done, a load of laundry gets folded or the bathroom gets cleaned. Recently, I heard this song, which I think is my new post-argument anthem. Although it might be a little harsh for some, I find the frank emotions of the song point to the irony of a strong, committed marriage. After all, when you devote yourself to a lifelong Sacrament, you are going to feel crazy with your spouse sometimes. But the irony is that even though he may drive me crazy, at the end of the day, I feel God's presence working in my life, in our marriage, and I can't imagine myself anywhere else.
What I've realized about all our previous fights is this: try as I might, there were really very few arguments where I could recall the actual topic we were fighting about. My memories were much clearer when remembering the things we said/did during our arguments. And that really spoke volumes to me about the importance of my actions. When Jesse gives talks to his religious education teachers, he tells them that the kids won't remember what you taught them, they'll remember who you were. I think the same goes for how we treat not only our spouses, but our family members, friends, co-workers and complete strangers.
Jesse & I have given countless talks on marriage for our local Pre-Cana retreats. One of the things we stress to these soon-to-be-married couples is the importance of fighting fair, especially during the inevitable arguments. If you're thinking about winning the argument, then that means your spouse will lose. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to hurt Jesse or fight in such a way that he feels like less of a husband. This is not to say that we have idyllic arguments, but we usually try our best to vocalize how we are feeling. These skills have gotten better the longer we've been married (after all, we've had lots of practice!).
That being said, when we do have arguments & need some time apart to blow off some steam, I usually end up pouring my energy into something. As a result, my dishes are usually done, a load of laundry gets folded or the bathroom gets cleaned. Recently, I heard this song, which I think is my new post-argument anthem. Although it might be a little harsh for some, I find the frank emotions of the song point to the irony of a strong, committed marriage. After all, when you devote yourself to a lifelong Sacrament, you are going to feel crazy with your spouse sometimes. But the irony is that even though he may drive me crazy, at the end of the day, I feel God's presence working in my life, in our marriage, and I can't imagine myself anywhere else.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
When Anxiety Attacks...
The last few weeks (or months depending on when you start counting) have been a whirlwind of craziness. Granted, I know our everyday routine isn't exactly simple. However I can't help but feeling like things have been extra crazy as of late. I have spent all summer just going & going & going. My to-do lists have been growing & I see no sign of an end. I've had a few bouts of insomnia even though I'm exhausted most of the time. I'm just running from one fire to the next, trying to put them out.
I have come to realize that this is no way to live. I miss having some quiet time for myself, time to sleep, read/blog, or just to play with the girls. I've recently had Philippians 4:6 come into my path several times. I think it's a not-so-subtle message from the Almighty that I need to make a part of my daily recitation.
So, I'm going to try my hardest to present all my anxieties to God, knowing that He will take care of them. Certainly this approach can be challenging because it requires surrender. But I think we all could use a life jacket when we feel like we're drowning. And God's love provides the best life jacket available!
I have come to realize that this is no way to live. I miss having some quiet time for myself, time to sleep, read/blog, or just to play with the girls. I've recently had Philippians 4:6 come into my path several times. I think it's a not-so-subtle message from the Almighty that I need to make a part of my daily recitation.
So, I'm going to try my hardest to present all my anxieties to God, knowing that He will take care of them. Certainly this approach can be challenging because it requires surrender. But I think we all could use a life jacket when we feel like we're drowning. And God's love provides the best life jacket available!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Helping the "Needy"
My husband is a very giving person. Whether he's shuttling kids to youth group, delivering food pantry goods to families with bare cupboards or counseling those in times of crisis, it seems he is always helping others. These acts certainly go along with the duties of being a youth minister, but he goes beyond that & takes the disciple nature to another level. My heart is warmed every time I see the needy families he helps...
...Unless the "neediness" of these families is questioned.
Over the years, there have been times when I find out that the people who are the recipients of our time & efforts aren't as needy as they let on. Poor financial choices tend to drive some of these needy people to our front door. I'm not talking about people who barely make enough to pay their bills. I'm referring to those who take from the food pantry while buying newer cars, gadgets, video games or other "extras." Recently, someone told Jesse that they had no money to buy an A/C unit that was desperately needed. So, we were able to come up with a unit & took it to their house to drop off. I was more than a little surprised to see they had just purchased a huge, brand new flat screen TV. Another time, someone actually had the audacity to request specific brands of food be stocked at the food pantry since those were what they liked.
On the surface, both of these (true) examples leave me speechless since I can't imagine how some people can be so forthright, especially when they are the recipients of charitable acts! However, our society has become very self-focused, so feelings of entitlement & "What's in it for me?" abound. I suppose it's no wonder people feel they really are needy. But, it's time we start separating our true needs from our wants & prioritize them. Of course doing this requires some self-restraint which, in my opinion, is practiced far too infrequently nowadays.
I tend to get easily frustrated by these situations & know this is something that I have to work on. We are practicing much more due diligence with our giving, which seems unfortunate because it takes the focus away from those who are legitimately in need of assistance. Even though I don't always recognize it, there are blessings coming through these situations. After all, as the Prayer of St. Francis states, "...it is in giving that we receive." I'll keep reciting this mantra in the hopes it helps me deal with these situations better each time they occur.
On the surface, both of these (true) examples leave me speechless since I can't imagine how some people can be so forthright, especially when they are the recipients of charitable acts! However, our society has become very self-focused, so feelings of entitlement & "What's in it for me?" abound. I suppose it's no wonder people feel they really are needy. But, it's time we start separating our true needs from our wants & prioritize them. Of course doing this requires some self-restraint which, in my opinion, is practiced far too infrequently nowadays.
I tend to get easily frustrated by these situations & know this is something that I have to work on. We are practicing much more due diligence with our giving, which seems unfortunate because it takes the focus away from those who are legitimately in need of assistance. Even though I don't always recognize it, there are blessings coming through these situations. After all, as the Prayer of St. Francis states, "...it is in giving that we receive." I'll keep reciting this mantra in the hopes it helps me deal with these situations better each time they occur.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Vacation Bible School
Jesse has been too busy to put together a VBS program this summer (plans are in the works for VBS Summer 2014 at St. Jude) so I enrolled our two oldest in the Vacation Bible School program at our former parish. This morning was the first day of the VBS week, so I took all three girls with plans to drop off our oldest two for the morning.
I had suggested to Jesse that perhaps he should take the girls because I knew they would have separation issues if I took them. Unfortunately he had a horrible toothache & had scheduled a dentist appointment, so I had the dreaded task of reminding them I would be back in a few hours & that they should stay & have a good time. Fifteen minutes of hugs, kisses, tears & reassurances of my prompt return, I walked out of the church, listening to stifled sobs as I left.
Naturally, I felt guilty about leaving them, especially since the program leader wasn't doing much to convince any of the kids that they would have a good time. And of course, I couldn't stop myself from thinking, "If Jesse & I were running this, we would..." I guess I'll have some suggestions for next year's VBS planning. Needless to say, when I picked them up at lunchtime, both girls were very excited about all the things they learned that day. And I'm sure they will continue to enjoy themselves as the week progresses. But, if every drop-off is prefaced with an episode like I had today, I think Jesse will be taking them!
I had suggested to Jesse that perhaps he should take the girls because I knew they would have separation issues if I took them. Unfortunately he had a horrible toothache & had scheduled a dentist appointment, so I had the dreaded task of reminding them I would be back in a few hours & that they should stay & have a good time. Fifteen minutes of hugs, kisses, tears & reassurances of my prompt return, I walked out of the church, listening to stifled sobs as I left.
Naturally, I felt guilty about leaving them, especially since the program leader wasn't doing much to convince any of the kids that they would have a good time. And of course, I couldn't stop myself from thinking, "If Jesse & I were running this, we would..." I guess I'll have some suggestions for next year's VBS planning. Needless to say, when I picked them up at lunchtime, both girls were very excited about all the things they learned that day. And I'm sure they will continue to enjoy themselves as the week progresses. But, if every drop-off is prefaced with an episode like I had today, I think Jesse will be taking them!
Friday, July 26, 2013
Under Construction
For the past couple of weeks, Jesse has been doing a major overhaul of his offices & storage areas. Since we live about 20 minutes from our parish, I couldn't have imagined that this would impact our home life in any way. How silly of me!
Although we don't have any of the actual organization/cleaning/renovating happening here, I feel like I'm living in the midst of a construction zone! The scope of this project has expanded beyond what I thought. It has been very stressful to have all of this going on in the midst of our typical routine which is busy enough on its own! I keep having to remind myself that this construction period is only temporary. The end product will be worth it.
"Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be." ~ Khalil Gibran
Gibran certainly has it right. I can't count how often I find myself getting caught up in the details! When I find myself doing this, I try to take a step back & see the forest through the trees, so to speak. It is a good centering activity to help me focus on the greater picture and usually helps me get refreshed before jumping back into the details.
I know this office project will be over soon and then Jesse will have a wonderful, professional office (pictures to follow!). And all of the chaos will have been worth it. Then it will be time to focus that same organizational effort on our house...but that's another project for another day!
Although we don't have any of the actual organization/cleaning/renovating happening here, I feel like I'm living in the midst of a construction zone! The scope of this project has expanded beyond what I thought. It has been very stressful to have all of this going on in the midst of our typical routine which is busy enough on its own! I keep having to remind myself that this construction period is only temporary. The end product will be worth it.
"Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be." ~ Khalil Gibran
Gibran certainly has it right. I can't count how often I find myself getting caught up in the details! When I find myself doing this, I try to take a step back & see the forest through the trees, so to speak. It is a good centering activity to help me focus on the greater picture and usually helps me get refreshed before jumping back into the details.
I know this office project will be over soon and then Jesse will have a wonderful, professional office (pictures to follow!). And all of the chaos will have been worth it. Then it will be time to focus that same organizational effort on our house...but that's another project for another day!
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