20 Exciting Ideas for Moms for Lent

Each year, I try to come up with some new ideas of things to do during Lent. I try my best to honor the thing(s) I pick, but sometimes (ok, more often than I would like to admit) I forget & then say, "Well, I already fell off the wagon, so what's the point of continuing?" But this year, I am not allowing myself that conversation. Even if I get busy & forget for a week, I will still continue as best I can through the end of Lent.

By our very nature, mothers are constantly sacrificing for our husband & children. And it is important to feel that we are sacrificing during this very holy time in the Church. After all, we are preparing ourselves to celebrate the beauty of Jesus' sacrifice...the ultimate sacrifice. My list of Lenten ideas includes some new ways to sacrifice for others, but also strongly focuses on ways to enrich your spirituality during this time. Pick one or two to do this Lent. I hope you will join me on this journey & I look forward to hearing about your Lenten journey.

1. Get up 30 min before your alarm & spend that time in prayer. If you need a good reflection book, I recommend A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms.

2. If you use a dishwasher, wash the dishes from one of your meals each day by hand. Use the time to pray.

3. Donate your time to a shelter for abused women & children.

4. Fast in between meals. Offer it up for the souls lost to abortion & miscarriage.

5. Compliment a fellow family on how great it is to see them bring young children to Mass.

6. Listen to Catholic Radio. We recently got EWTN Radio in our area...it is changing my life! If it isn't broadcast in your area, you can listen to it at iHeartRadio.

7. Find someone to watch the kids so you can go to confession. This can be a tough one for moms because if your kids are little like mine, you can't bring them into the confessional, but you can't leave them unattended in a pew.

8. Take the money you would spend on your Starbucks habit (or whatever other spending vice you have) & donate it to the CRS Rice Bowl initiative.

9. Send a handwritten note to another mom friend. We all know the joy of getting something heartfelt & unexpected in the mail.

10. At bedtime, recite the Hail Mary with your children. If they don't know it, they will by the end of Lent. If they learn that, add another prayer each evening. We are working on learning the St. Michael prayer right now.

11. Invite your priest to dinner at your house. They appreciate the fellowship!

12. Start a weekly family prayer night. Use the Live IT Gathering Guide & weekly videos to open dialogue & prayerfully prepare for the coming week's Gospel reading.

13. When you see your husband doing a habit that drives you crazy, offer it up rather than bugging him about it.

14. Give your husband a kiss before you go your separate ways for the day. Likewise, give him a kiss goodnight.

15. Offer authentic, kind smiles to other moms you see. Sometimes we are too quick to judge each other.

16. Pray with your kids in the car on the way to school. Ask them who they want to pray for. Appreciate the beauty & simplicity of their prayers.

17. Sign up for the Best Lent Ever from Dynamic Catholic. You will receive a daily email/video to help focus your day & challenge you to change your habits. I signed up today & I'm BEYOND excited about it!

18.Pray the Litany of Humility every day.

19. Join the 50 Shades of Grace novena. Let's pray for the end of such a violent pornographic film. You can also join the "50 Bucks not 50 Shades" campaign & donate $50 to a domestic violence shelter or pregnancy crisis center.

20. Dedicate 6 minutes every day of Lent to read the Little Black Book. The book was distributed by our local parish; Jesse & I are both planning to use it this year. You can order one online for $4. They are compact & convenient while guiding you through the Passion story. It only takes a few minutes to read. Put it in your car & read it while waiting to pick up your kids from school or practice.

“[But] take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father" ~Matthew 6:1

Small Success Thursday: Contentment

From the outside, nothing about the past week would seem different from any other week. We had the usual activities: work, school, college course I'm teaching, dentist appointments, trip to the mechanic, etc. Yet, there was something different about it. It's difficult to describe, but for the longest time, I felt like I was just flying through the various events of the day & fighting an uphill battle to survive all the frustrations that our tiny rental house brought with it. But, since we've moved & settled, I feel like there is so much less that I have to contend with. I actually feel & am enjoying (dare I say it?!) being content & present in the moment.

Now, I realize that life has a way of throwing things at you when you least expect it, so I'm going to enjoy the present moment while I have it. With that in mind, all of my successes this week involve

- I played with my kids. I realize this might not seem that momentous, but these are small successes after all! It had been a while since I actually got down on the floor & played. And we had so much fun!

- I spent some time adequately preparing for religious ed class, instead of waiting until the last minute to throw something together. It was a success! The kids enjoyed it, I enjoyed it. I have one student this year who has been particularly challenging to keep focused. I assigned my helper to sit with him during class to keep him focused, & it worked great. He even came up to me at the end of class & asked me to tell his mom the good news about his behavior!

- I was able to continue unpacking a few more boxes. The storage room with all the kids' clothes is organized & all the plastic containers have been appropriately marked. I reorganized our movies & posted an entertainment system cabinet for sale that we can't use. Feels like we're settling in! Now, I have to get to organizing my spaces (make-up table, closet, books).

- I love listening to TED & TEDx talks at work. They are extremely motivating, encouraging & exciting. I encourage you to check out the YouTube channel.

You can read more SST posts at Catholic Mom. One additional comment since today is the March for Life in DC. I can't believe it has been a decade since Jesse & I went to our first march together. The pro-life movement is so important to me as a mom, but also a human being. It is so important that we do whatever we can to keep being a voice for the voiceless!

Seeing the Little Way

As the mother of four children, I often have the privilege of overhearing conversations among them. These discussions range from funny to serious, gross to factual. Sometimes, they go something like they did this morning...

Bella (age 4): "They put Jesus on the cross & he died."

Sophie (age 6): "Yeah, they put nails through his hands right here [points to her palms] & through his feet [demonstrates how Jesus' feet look on the crucifix]."

Bella: "But that's so sad."

This conversation went on for a few more minutes, all the while, my heart swelled knowing that the girls are absorbing all the Bible stories we share with them. The crucifix is an ever-present & constant reminder of the most important of these stories. But, what struck me more than the accuracy with which Sophie & Bella shared details of the crucifixion was the way in which Bella reacted to the various elements of the story. At four years of age, the story of the crucifixion is still "new" & her reactions are genuine. And this had me thinking, "As adults, have we become numb to the true emotions that the crucifixion story should evoke?"

St. Therese of Lisieux is a much-revered & loved saint in our house. We have a special devotion to her & her influence can be felt in various elements of our lives. Her name is the one I chose at confirmation & is shared by our oldest daughter (Sophia Therese). One of her main teachings was that of "The Little Way." That is to say that we can follow God through our littleness, in becoming childlike in the eyes of God & being obedient to Him. It is a mantra that I try to live by as much as possible.

I believe that this childlike nature should not only be in how we perform our duties, but also in how we see the stories of the Bible. In listening to Bella's response to the pain that Jesus felt, it makes me pause to take a closer look at how I think about the stories of Jesus' pain & suffering. We are inundated with images of pain, suffering & death on television, movies, video games, magazines, etc. Coupling that with the many countless times we hear the story & I think it's fair to say that we become desensitized to the actual events that happened on Golgotha. But seeing the story heard & felt through the eyes of my children has shown me a new way of thinking about & reflecting on these events. The next time I look at a crucifix or recite the Sorrowful Mysteries, I hope my emotional connection to the story will grow as I begin to feel it the way my children do, seeing it through the Little Way.

Putting Family First!

This week, Jesse & I were asked to write the bulletin article since our priest is out of town. Here's what we came up with. I'm thinking we should figure out a way to make a living doing this!!

“We have to keep our kids busy with many activities so they stay out of trouble.”

“Let’s get through this month and we will take that family vacation…I promise.”

“Where did this week go?! I ran everywhere for everyone and I am exhausted.”

                 Life is zooming past us at such a hurried pace.  Time is our most precious asset, yet where & who are we spending it with? This week, we decided to show you some techniques that have worked for our family. Don’t think this means that we have it all together! Like many families, we struggle with all of the above scenarios, but wanted to share things that help us overcome it. We believe our culture has taken the family model & shattered its purpose. Society places a high value on entertainment & a fast-paced lifestyle. We are tricked into believing that if you aren’t busy, if you aren’t doing something, you aren’t creating value. Our value should be found in our relationship with God, not in how much we produce. God has led us out of slavery, yet often times we enslave ourselves to our work & other misguided priorities. Today, allow God to free you from those burdens! We need to reestablish the importance of our relationships & grow in faith as a family.

                Communication is essential!  We have to force ourselves to stop & reflect on what we did each day & share it with our families. Otherwise, we’ll just forget & just keep moving at 100mph. Part of prayer is reflection - it’s how we grow into better versions of ourselves. “What was your high today? What was your low today?” These are the two questions that each member of our family answers at the dinner table every evening. It’s a fun conversation starter & allows each person to tell us what they like & dislike about their day. As simple as this strategy is, it helps us to connect as a family. We believe that if we are able to talk about the small stuff every day, then it will make it easier for us to discuss the more challenging situations as they arise.

                Another key component of communication is honesty. Our children need to see us succeed in life, but they also need to see us fail…and learn from our failures. By being examples for our children & being honest with them, we are giving them a realistic example of what it means to be an adult, to be a parent. We need to forget about trying to be the “perfect” family & give thanks for our real family. Life is not perfect, in fact sometimes it is downright messy! But we need to embrace all of it, & show our children that loving each other through all of these situations is more important than how we look to others & is a key component in obtaining grace.

                Communication takes time. Right now you might not be able to fathom how you’re going to find quality time in your busy schedules, but trust us to say that you must make family time a priority! It has taken us many years with Jesse’s chaotic schedule to find this balance. But, with our children now in school, we knew family time had to take place. So, we began our Tuesday night family night. Every Tuesday, after school & work, we come home, prepare & eat dinner together & then spend our evening with the TV/phone turned off, spending quality time together. We’ve also begun to incorporate a weekly gospel reflection with questions & a video that lead us into discussion. This allows us to share our love for our faith with our children & teach them how they can learn from & interpret the weekly readings in their own lives. As parents & a married couple, this tool has also been beneficial as we now take time to read & reflect on the gospel & come to Mass prepared & engaged. If you are interested in joining us & doing the reflections as a family, go to http://massimpactus.blogspot.com/.

                When God called Elijah up the mountain, God was calling him to be present on the mountain. God understood that when Elijah climbed to the top, he was going to be thinking ahead to climbing down. The literal translation of what God said to Elijah means, “Be on the mountain.” Isn’t it human nature to be thinking ahead to the next thing, the next plans? When it comes to family & faith, we need to be present, be family. Don’t spend all your energy moving so fast, thinking forward to the next thing. Just be. Stop. Breathe. Enjoy the view of the mountains. Enjoy being together. Enjoy being a family.

                Please keep our family in your prayers, we are keeping you in ours as well. Let’s do this together! God bless, Jesse & Jessica

To the lady sitting behind me at Mass yesterday...

- Yes, I am aware of the stares I receive when I bring four children under age seven to Mass by myself.

- I did notice the not-so-nice glances you were directing towards my two-year old. What can I say, she's a wonderful little spirit! I don't tolerate highly disruptive behavior during Mass, but she was being a two-year old & doing the normal things they do. This includes babbling about people & things she sees, walking up & down the pew, etc. I won't force her to sit in complete silence, stuffing her with Cheerios or playing games on my phone because I use those chatty moments to teach her about Jesus & help her fall in love with the Mass.

- I am aware of our church's cry room, however I really only use it in emergencies. I prefer my kids sit where they are able to focus on the Mass & watch what is happening.

-Every time I was frustrated by your dirty glances, I repeated to myself what the lady at the grocery store said to me on Saturday. She was walking past me & my "push one cart, pull one cart" method of shopping with all the kids by myself & said in sweet & understanding way, "You have my undying admiration." It made my heart smile.

P.S. I offered up my frustrations for you & whatever is going on in your life. I hope the next time you see a mom with a bunch of kids in Mass, you are able to give them a kind eye...or at least look away & not stare.

STOP - in the name of Love!

I had a lot of things I wanted to get done yesterday. School supply shopping, returning library books, baking a few sweets, exchanging some baby clothes for bigger sizes, going to the bank, writing baby shower thank you notes, sending a few emails...the list could be endless. Since this is my last week home on maternity leave, I started the morning out with lots of motivation & determination. Jesse was on a confirmation retreat all day, Sophie & Bella are camping with my parents, so I only had two kiddos to drag around on all these errands.

I figured the best way to tackle all of the running around errands would be to take two trips; one in the morning & then one after nap time. Very doable, right? I couldn't have been more wrong!

The morning started out fine & we successfully made it to the bank, library & Target. Maddie fell asleep on the way home & was incredibly grumpy when we got home. Francis wet through his outfit & onto my shorts (outfit change #1). Then, I tried compiling a school supply list while Maddie played quietly for a few minutes before nap time. This is where it all went downhill. Maddie was overly tired & so I spent the next two hours putting her in bed, hearing her get up & come down the stairs, then picking her up & placing her back in her bed. Repeat. For two hours. Finally, I gave up & decided if she just stayed awake that she would go to bed earlier.

Francis woke up a couple times during this nap time fiasco & after feeding him, he showed his appreciation by spitting up all over me (outfit change #2). Since we were going stir crazy in the house by this point, I took them outside for a walk. On our way back, Francis wet through his diaper & since I was carrying him in a front pack, he tinkled all down my leg (outfit change #3). Maddie was throwing a big fit that we had to go back in the house so I could change.  It was at this point that I recited my favorite, albeit simple, prayer.  "Mary, Mother of God, please give me patience."

Once in the house with everyone melting down, I realized that I needed to give up on my wish list of items to accomplish & just stop. Stop & pay attention. Stop in the name of love & do what my kids needed. So, I took both kids upstairs & sat with them in the rocking chair. I hummed a few tunes & within a couple of minutes, Maddie, the child who had been fighting nap time for hours, suddenly gave up the battle & cuddled on my lap, sleeping soundly.

As I sat rocking my babies, part of me wanted to just lay them down & resume my to do list projects. But then another part of me realized I was accomplishing things...they just weren't items on my list. And, I was exactly where I needed to be in that moment. This might not seem earth-shattering, but it really was an eye opening moment for me. How often in our lives do we just do what we need to do for ourselves, but never stop to just listen to God's whisper in our ear? Are we truly doing God's work if we don't stop to listen to our Father? Or if we are listening, do we not give Him our full time & attention but rather try to rush through it to get on to other things? My personal goal for the week is to take time out, not only for my kids, but my husband & my God. Can you do the same?

"Showered" with Love

For each of our pregnancies after Sophia (our oldest), Jesse & I have debated the etiquette of what is known as a "Baby Sprinkle."  For those of you not hip to this term, a baby sprinkle is basically a baby shower, except the expectant family already has a child or children.  Usually it happens when you are expecting a child of a different gender than your previous one(s).  So, in our case, as we had more daughters, Jesse would inform me that if/when we had a boy, that he would be throwing me a shower so we could get a few boy clothes to bulk up his closet.

After Francis was born, I didn't really think about our previous discussions, but Jesse had been.  A couple weeks ago, he asked me if I would give the talk at youth group.  He wanted the kids to hear about sacrifice, told from the perspective of a mother.  All day, I thought about what I would say to the kids, but I didn't really write too much down.  I have found in the past that my youth group talks are better when I jot down a few notes, rather than write out an entire speech.  At 6:30pm, Jesse came & picked us up to head to the church.  I was feeling alright about my topic, but still unsure if the kids would find it relevant.

Upon our arrival, I was surprised to walk into a superhero-themed baby shower (or baby sprinkle!).  I was shocked that Jesse was able to pull off the entire thing & catch me completely off-guard.  The room was so beautifully decorated, a delicious spread of food & many thoughtful gifts.

Then, as I walked around & greeted everyone, I was touched that so many people thought of us & were there to share in the joy of our new arrival.  I couldn't help but thank God for putting so many wonderful people in our lives.  Most of these people came into our lives through Jesse's ministry & it was very touching that they were so invested in our little Francis Oliver.  Even though ministry work can be very exhausting, moments like these make me so thankful.

Vacation Bible School

Jesse has been too busy to put together a VBS program this summer (plans are in the works for VBS Summer 2014 at St. Jude) so I enrolled our two oldest in the Vacation Bible School program at our former parish.  This morning was the first day of the VBS week, so I took all three girls with plans to drop off our oldest two for the morning.

I had suggested to Jesse that perhaps he should take the girls because I knew they would have separation issues if I took them.  Unfortunately he had a horrible toothache & had scheduled a dentist appointment, so I had the dreaded task of reminding them I would be back in a few hours & that they should stay & have a good time.  Fifteen minutes of hugs, kisses, tears & reassurances of my prompt return, I walked out of the church, listening to stifled sobs as I left.

Naturally, I felt guilty about leaving them, especially since the program leader wasn't doing much to convince any of the kids that they would have a good time.  And of course, I couldn't stop myself from thinking, "If Jesse & I were running this, we would..."  I guess I'll have some suggestions for next year's VBS planning.  Needless to say, when I picked them up at lunchtime, both girls were very excited about all the things they learned that day.  And I'm sure they will continue to enjoy themselves as the week progresses.  But, if every drop-off is prefaced with an episode like I had today, I think Jesse will be taking them!

Family Time Out

Well, it finally happened....our family went on vacation!  But before you get images of a relaxing beach, a theme park or some exotic location, let me stop you there.  We drove 7 hours to Indianapolis for my cousin's high school graduation.  Months ago, when we first began planning our trip, I suggested that since we would have to be in Indy anyway, we might as well spend a few extra days there & do some fun activities with the girls.  How nice it would be to take the girls to the Children's Museum (I haven't been there since I was little) as well as check out the Indy Zoo (we have a love of zoos & check them out in all the areas we visit).

The weather was perfect, sunny & warm.  Perhaps the best part of this vacation was that it gave me time to reflect & take a pause from everyday life.  I cannot express how wonderful it was to spend 7 straight days with my husband & children.  Although there were a few stressful moments, overall we had a wonderful time just being together as a family.

My aunt took this picture right after we got back from Mass.  I'm so blessed!

Although I wish we were able to get away like this more often, it certainly helped me appreciate the time we did have.  And, as with all vacations, I was all too quickly thrown back into the chaos of everyday life.  But, I came away from this trip with the awareness that I need to carve out some time for myself each day, as well as continue my effort to have more family time.

Sorry I've been away from the blog world for so long.  This little vacation also reminded me why I started this blog in the first place & I look forward to posting lots more about life as a youth minister's wife!

Work-Life Balance Introduction

At the time when Jesse was offered his first youth minister job, we were 6 months pregnant with our first child (we waited to find out it was a daughter until the day she made her arrival!).  We made a list of all the pros & cons that this new opportunity would bring.  Right near the very top of the "Pros" column was "flexible schedule."  Since youth groups happen in the evenings, Jesse would be able to stay home during the day with our little one.  Although we were a mere 3 months away from meeting our little girl, we hadn't yet discussed what would happen when my 6 weeks of maternity leave ended & I had to go back to work.  It was a conversation I was certainly putting off because I didn't want to think about the day I had to drop my newborn off at a daycare & then go into work for the day.  I understand that daycare is a blessing for parents who have to work daytime jobs, but in my heart I knew it wasn't going to work for us.  If I would have to continue working (a necessity when your job carries all the healthcare benefits as well as necessary income) after our daughter was born, I could only imagine being comfortable with her being with Jesse all day.

So, we made the decision that Jesse would take the youth ministry job.  At the time, he was working 50+ hours a week at a job placement service & wanted to remain there for as long as possible, which meant right up until I had to go back to work.  So, he continued to work there during the day & lay the groundwork for youth group in the evenings.  Needless to say, when our daughter was born, I spent most of my maternity leave by myself (looking back, this should have been a warning of things to come!).

I am blessed to be able to go to work in the mornings & know that my daughters are being taken care of by their dad.  I think it has made him a better parent & has formed a strong bond between Daddy & his little girls.  All that being said, there are very few days that I walk out the door & don't wish it was me being able to stay home with them.  Or at least be able to do this.  There are certainly times when I am thankful that I can go to work & get a break from all the craziness that comes with having 3 little ones.  But I miss them terribly when I'm away & can't wait to come home cuddling & playing with my girls again!