Real. True. Love.

Jesse & I have our fair share of arguments.  Sometimes they have to do with important issues & other times they are less significant.  As we approach our sixth wedding anniversary, I have been thinking about all the times we got angry with each other in the previous six (ten - if you count our dating/courtship period before getting married) years.

What I've realized about all our previous fights is this: try as I might, there were really very few arguments where I could recall the actual topic we were fighting about.  My memories were much clearer when remembering the things we said/did during our arguments.  And that really spoke volumes to me about the importance of my actions.  When Jesse gives talks to his religious education teachers, he tells them that the kids won't remember what you taught them, they'll remember who you were.  I think the same goes for how we treat not only our spouses, but our family members, friends, co-workers and complete strangers.

Jesse & I have given countless talks on marriage for our local Pre-Cana retreats.  One of the things we stress to these soon-to-be-married couples is the importance of fighting fair, especially during the inevitable arguments.  If you're thinking about winning the argument, then that means your spouse will lose.  And I don't know about you, but I don't want to hurt Jesse or fight in such a way that he feels like less of a husband.  This is not to say that we have idyllic arguments, but we usually try our best to vocalize how we are feeling.  These skills have gotten better the longer we've been married (after all, we've had lots of practice!).

That being said, when we do have arguments & need some time apart to blow off some steam, I usually end up pouring my energy into something.  As a result, my dishes are usually done, a load of laundry gets folded or the bathroom gets cleaned.  Recently, I heard this song, which I think is my new post-argument anthem. Although it might be a little harsh for some, I find the frank emotions of the song point to the irony of a strong, committed marriage.  After all, when you devote yourself to a lifelong Sacrament, you are going to feel crazy with your spouse sometimes.  But the irony is that even though he may drive me crazy, at the end of the day, I feel God's presence working in my life, in our marriage, and I can't imagine myself anywhere else.

Zach Sobiech

We are all given a finite time on this earth, realizing that someday we will pass on from this place to the next.  However, "someday" is so vague, we often (myself included) forget how truly valuable each day is since we don't know the day or time we will be called home to our Heavenly Father.  Although it would be emotionally exhausting to think of each day as our last & wonder when it will be our time to go, I think we should at least try our very best to remember that each day were are given is a blessing from God.  And it is our job to try & do our very best with

Every once & a while the media will catch hold of a story of someone with a terminal illness, given a finite amount of time to live, and share their stories of hope, perseverance & attitude of living for the moment. Recently, I heard such a story, that of Zach Sobiech, a young man who was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, a rare form of bone cancer that is often deadly in children.  At the age of 14 he was diagnosed and at the age of 17, he was given months to live.

I watched the documentary of his life & felt incredibly inspired by his attitude, "You don't have to find out you're dying to start living."  Zach used the power of music to express his final thoughts to his family & friends.  The song "Clouds" has become a YouTube sensation.  Although the situation is incredibly sad, the song is remarkably uplifting & encouraging.

Zach found solace attending mass by himself early in the mornings.  He & his family had a devotion to St. Peregrine & even made a pilgrimage to Lourdes to visit the healing waters.  His family found strength & comfort knowing that this was a part of their earthly journey, but that it was not truly the end.

I don't know that I could react to this type of situation with the same type of faith & dignity that Zach did.  Listening to his songs, I am reminded of the many blessings I have in my life.  Although there are plenty of times when I am stressed by the kids or frustrated by Jesse's long hours away from home, it is in those times when I need to take a step back & thank God.  He has blessed all of us with so many wonderful things.  It shouldn't take a tragedy to make us realize it.

I have been drafting this post for a couple of weeks.  Sadly, Zach Sobiech passed away yesterday, May 20, at the age of 18.  Eternal rest, grant unto him O Lord & let perpetual light shine upon him.

Let Go & Let God

As I wrote in this post, I have someone in my life, "Jon," who has proclaimed his decision to actively be in a same-sex relationship.  When I left off on my last post, Jesse & I had decided to limit our contact with Jon because of his lifestyle decisions.  Unfortunately, not much as changed since then.  When Jon & I had our falling out during Holy Week, he said some very hurtful things.  Now, I understand we all sometimes say things when we are angry, but that is still no excuse.  So, I have asked him to apologize for these things before we can begin to talk & hopefully heal our relationship.  But that apology has not happened yet & the more time that passes, the more I am beginning to feel it may never happen.

Coming to this realization has been a very difficult thing to deal with.  When all of this started, I didn't expect to be at the point where I am now.  But that is true about a lot of things in life, isn't it?  We never know what sort of ripple effects will result from our actions & decisions.  It can be nerve-wracking to contemplate all the various outcomes to our potential choices.  We (especially those of us with control issues!) want to feel like we are in charge & maintain control over our lives.  But the truth is, we can only be truly happy if we relinquish control & let God take over.  Our Heavenly Father wants the best for us, it is up to us to listen & follow His will.

As frustrating as it is, I know that I can't force Jon to understand my decisions.  I can't force him to end his same-sex relationship; I can't make him turn to the Eucharist & find healing through Confession & Mass.  As much as those things bother me, I have to take that energy & channel it into prayers.  Prayers that God warms Jon's heart, prayers that Jon's faith strengthens, prayers of mercy for Jon & prayers for faith & hope for all of us impacted by Jon's choices.

I have found a lot of solace in music during challenging times in my life.  Lately, the song I have been listening to that has touched my heart during this trying time has been "Not Alone" by Family Force 5.  The chorus says:

Cause I don't hurt when you say it
I hear your words, I can make it
I need you now, I want you now
To tell me that I'm not alone

May we all surrender ourselves to You & open our hearts to Your will.  Allow us to hear Your words, reminding us we are never alone; even in the darkest moments when all seems lost, remind us of Your presence.  Amen.