Small Success Thursday: Thank You

I have some people to thank on this Small Success Thursday...

Thank you to the author of this post. It's like she wrote it for me. Those are the emotions I feel, the highs & lows of being in ministry. It's the reason I wanted to start this blog, in the hopes of connecting with other youth ministry wives. It feels nice to know that others have seen our struggle & appreciate what we do behind the scenes.

Thank you to my husband for really shifting the balance in housework since we purchased our home. I have hours (literally hours) back to myself now that we have a dishwasher. And, he has made a huge effort to be home on a more routine basis.

Thank you to all the dinner guests we've entertained in the last two weeks. You have no idea how fortunate I feel that we have such good friends & now finally have a space to accommodate having you over for dinner & conversation.

Thank you to my children for our Tuesday family prayer nights. This is the thing I most look forward to each week. And sometimes it is the only thing that gets me through the week.

Thank you to the faculty member that invited me to begin teaching a college course this semester. It has been one of my life long dreams to teach in higher education & I am treasuring every moment. It breaks up the routine that I have followed for the last seven years. I pray that it may someday turn into something more permanent.

Thank you to local Catholic radio station that is now playing in our area. It gives me great joy to listen to stimulating faith conversation as well as prayerful moments throughout my day.

"Showered" with Love

For each of our pregnancies after Sophia (our oldest), Jesse & I have debated the etiquette of what is known as a "Baby Sprinkle."  For those of you not hip to this term, a baby sprinkle is basically a baby shower, except the expectant family already has a child or children.  Usually it happens when you are expecting a child of a different gender than your previous one(s).  So, in our case, as we had more daughters, Jesse would inform me that if/when we had a boy, that he would be throwing me a shower so we could get a few boy clothes to bulk up his closet.

After Francis was born, I didn't really think about our previous discussions, but Jesse had been.  A couple weeks ago, he asked me if I would give the talk at youth group.  He wanted the kids to hear about sacrifice, told from the perspective of a mother.  All day, I thought about what I would say to the kids, but I didn't really write too much down.  I have found in the past that my youth group talks are better when I jot down a few notes, rather than write out an entire speech.  At 6:30pm, Jesse came & picked us up to head to the church.  I was feeling alright about my topic, but still unsure if the kids would find it relevant.

Upon our arrival, I was surprised to walk into a superhero-themed baby shower (or baby sprinkle!).  I was shocked that Jesse was able to pull off the entire thing & catch me completely off-guard.  The room was so beautifully decorated, a delicious spread of food & many thoughtful gifts.

Then, as I walked around & greeted everyone, I was touched that so many people thought of us & were there to share in the joy of our new arrival.  I couldn't help but thank God for putting so many wonderful people in our lives.  Most of these people came into our lives through Jesse's ministry & it was very touching that they were so invested in our little Francis Oliver.  Even though ministry work can be very exhausting, moments like these make me so thankful.

You know you're a YM Wife when...

I started this blog with the hope of finding other youth ministers' wives.  It is a unique situation that we spouses find ourselves in & I think there is a lot to be gained from sharing our experiences.  In seven years of being a youth minister's wife, I have made some observations of the ways that ministry work is more unusual than your typical 9 to 5 job.  This is not to say that other occupations don't have their own nuances, but I am speaking specifically to my situation here.  So, without further ado, here are (some of) my reflections on what it means to be a youth minister's wife...

- When your small children know all the top 40 songs, not because of your radio station selection, but because of the influence of the youth group.

- Most students at the parish school know your kids because they spend so much time there, even though they aren't old enough to be students yet!

- When you have a serious conversation with your husband about buying the 12 passenger church van when the priest sells it & surprise yourself by realizing how practical it actually would be to own that vehicle...

- When your husband misses your daughter's 1st & 2nd birthdays because he's at Creation for the week with the youth group.

- You rarely go to mass together & if it weren't for being known as the youth minister's wife, you worry people would think you are a single mother.

- When you do go to mass together, you rarely go in the same vehicle.

- Your kids refer to your church as "Daddy's office."

- You end up driving the 12 passenger church van to work a couple days a week because your husband was too tired after taking kids home to go back to church & pick up your vehicle.

- You have eaten more leftover pizza then you care to think about.

- You find it totally normal to drive the 12 passenger van (sometimes with the trailer attached) even though you are the only person in the vehicle.

- Your husband's laundry consists of t-shirts from youth events, funny quips & sweatpants.  Are you living with a college student?

- Date night consists of going to his guest speaking arrangements.

- Lots of kids call you "Mom" that aren't your biological kids & you're ok with that.

Ripple Effect

I am a believer in the adage that "it takes a village" to minister to the youth.  Jesse has kids from all different walks of life going through all sorts of issues in their lives.  He also has a small group of adult volunteers that help out.  Some are former youth group kids & others are just adults that want to help out.  Regardless, it is obvious that the impact on our youth isn't just coming from the program director.  It's the youth mentoring each other, adults helping lead discussions & so many other countless moments of encouragement & prayer.

Last year, one of our adult helpers was diagnosed with terminal cancer & given months to live.  It was an incredibly difficult time for everyone.  She was a young, vibrant woman & it seemed unbelievable that she would be taken from all of us so suddenly.  She was known as "Momma Vicki" since she took on a motherly role with lots of our youth.  They went to her with their issues & she gave advice, supported them, baked them goodies & even doled out some tough love as needed.

The day before she passed, Jesse & I took a small group of those closest to her over to her house to see Vicki & pray with her.  I was so proud of our youth.  I could tell they were obviously uncomfortable being so close to the death process, hearing her moan in pain, yet they held her hands, told her they loved her & held hands around her as we prayed a rosary.  It was a beautiful experience & at that moment, I was reminded of the beauty of ministry.  Without the ministry work, Vicki would not have been surrounded by all our love & prayers as she departed this world for next.  Without the ministry work, these kids wouldn't have been impacted by Vicki's loving care & constant encouragement to better themselves while always giving back in some way.

The youth group meeting held after her passing was incredibly difficult.  Her absence, both in our hearts & in the room, were glaringly obvious.  I saw kids that haven't been to youth group in a long time & others who have drifted away show up out of support for her.  It was a beautiful tribute to a beautiful spirit.  The kids got up & told stories about Vicki, some caused laughter & others tears, but they were all poignant.

I spoke to the group as well.  I reminded them that from the day I met her, Vicki had always wanted to be a mother.  Although it wasn't God's plan for her to have biological children, she fulfilled that role with each & every one of our youth that she encountered.  She was a mother to all of them & as her "children" it was now their responsibility to carry on her legacy & not forget the lessons she taught them.  I think they all took that to heart & realized they need to go make a difference in the lives of others in the way she influenced them.  I hear them mention her name, saying "You know what Vicki would say..." when they think of the advice she would give them.

Though Vicki isn't with us here, her presence is carried on by the kids who are her legacy.  Even if each of us does one thing to continue her memory or treat someone kindly in the way she treated them, then she will continue to live on in our hearts.

Eternal rest, grant unto her O Lord & let perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace.  Amen

My First Youth Group Field Trip!

A couple weekends ago, Jesse & I took 13 youth group kids to Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio for the PointFest concert.  Bands included Building 429, Tenth Avenue North & Third Day.  But the headliner was TobyMac!  He has been one of my favorite Christian artists going back to the days when Jesse & I met.  We had an amazing time strolling through the park & relaxing on the beach before seeing TobyMac.  All of this might sound like a great trip, no big deal, until you consider...

1) I have three children ages 5 & under, one of whom is still breastfeeding & needs me every 4-6 hours or so for a quick snack.  This is both a blessing & a curse.  I would NEVER change the fact that I breastfeed, but it makes it difficult to leave her for longer than a few hours.  It required a bit of planning, pumping & two babysitters who weren't afraid to do meal times, play & bedtime with all three girls.  Start to finish, I was away from the kids for a total of 18 hours.

2) My last attempt at going with the youth group to a concert was disastrous (more to post about this later).  Needless to say, we never actually saw/heard any of the concert.

I'm incredibly thankful that I had the opportunity to go on this trip.  Although we got home in the wee hours of the morning & it took me a few days to recover, it was well worth it.  Not only did I get to see TobyMac, but I was able to spend some quality time with my lovely hubby, sans children.  Plus, when I did get home, I was able to appreciate my little ones all the more.

Our group upon arrival at the park.

We had a great view of the concert.

Love this man so much!

Helping the "Needy"

My husband is a very giving person.  Whether he's shuttling kids to youth group, delivering food pantry goods to families with bare cupboards or counseling those in times of crisis, it seems he is always helping others.  These acts certainly go along with the duties of being a youth minister, but he goes beyond that & takes the disciple nature to another level.  My heart is warmed every time I see the needy families he helps...

...Unless the "neediness" of these families is questioned.

Over the years, there have been times when I find out that the people who are the recipients of our time & efforts aren't as needy as they let on.  Poor financial choices tend to drive some of these needy people to our front door.  I'm not talking about people who barely make enough to pay their bills.  I'm referring to those who take from the food pantry while buying newer cars, gadgets, video games or other "extras."  Recently, someone told Jesse that they had no money to buy an A/C unit that was desperately needed.  So, we were able to come up with a unit & took it to their house to drop off.  I was more than a little surprised to see they had just purchased a huge, brand new flat screen TV.  Another time, someone actually had the audacity to request specific brands of food be stocked at the food pantry since those were what they liked.

On the surface, both of these (true) examples leave me speechless since I can't imagine how some people can be so forthright, especially when they are the recipients of charitable acts!  However, our society has become very self-focused, so feelings of entitlement & "What's in it for me?" abound.  I suppose it's no wonder people feel they really are needy.  But, it's time we start separating our true needs from our wants & prioritize them.  Of course doing this requires some self-restraint which, in my opinion, is practiced far too infrequently nowadays.

I tend to get easily frustrated by these situations & know this is something that I have to work on.  We are practicing much more due diligence with our giving, which seems unfortunate because it takes the focus away from those who are legitimately in need of assistance.  Even though I don't always recognize it, there are blessings coming through these situations.  After all, as the Prayer of St. Francis states, "...it is in giving that we receive."  I'll keep reciting this mantra in the hopes it helps me deal with these situations better each time they occur.

Youth Group Cookout

Jesse came home from senior high youth group last week & said, "By the way, we're having youth group at our house next week."  Surprise!  Thankfully there really wasn't much for me to have to prepare, which is a good thing because I haven't had any free time lately!

We live about 15 minutes from our church, in a more serene & rural area than the downtown hustle & bustle atmosphere that most of these kids are used to.  Our yard is plenty big to run around, play football, soccer, Kan-Jam & have the opportunity for these youth to just be kids.  This cookout gave them the opportunity to relax & hang out with one another.  To me, I think these types of fellowship events are just as important as regular youth group.  Jesse's weekly message at youth group is always relevant, encouraging & challenging, but it also provides a platform for the youth to bond with each other & engage in peer-to-peer ministry.

I laughed when Jesse said he was only going to bring home one van full of kids.  Typically, he spends the first hour before youth group each week driving around & picking kids up.  But surprisingly enough, they carpooled & we ended up with a great turnout.  I would say 80+ people in total.  And...ready for the shocker?  Jesse didn't have to take a single person home.  Now if only we could get that sort of activity during regular youth group meetings.

I'm so proud of this little community.  May they all go out & change the world!  As for me, I've got to get back to clean up, it looks like a hurricane of hungry teenagers came through our yard & house!