Real. True. Love.

Jesse & I have our fair share of arguments.  Sometimes they have to do with important issues & other times they are less significant.  As we approach our sixth wedding anniversary, I have been thinking about all the times we got angry with each other in the previous six (ten - if you count our dating/courtship period before getting married) years.

What I've realized about all our previous fights is this: try as I might, there were really very few arguments where I could recall the actual topic we were fighting about.  My memories were much clearer when remembering the things we said/did during our arguments.  And that really spoke volumes to me about the importance of my actions.  When Jesse gives talks to his religious education teachers, he tells them that the kids won't remember what you taught them, they'll remember who you were.  I think the same goes for how we treat not only our spouses, but our family members, friends, co-workers and complete strangers.

Jesse & I have given countless talks on marriage for our local Pre-Cana retreats.  One of the things we stress to these soon-to-be-married couples is the importance of fighting fair, especially during the inevitable arguments.  If you're thinking about winning the argument, then that means your spouse will lose.  And I don't know about you, but I don't want to hurt Jesse or fight in such a way that he feels like less of a husband.  This is not to say that we have idyllic arguments, but we usually try our best to vocalize how we are feeling.  These skills have gotten better the longer we've been married (after all, we've had lots of practice!).

That being said, when we do have arguments & need some time apart to blow off some steam, I usually end up pouring my energy into something.  As a result, my dishes are usually done, a load of laundry gets folded or the bathroom gets cleaned.  Recently, I heard this song, which I think is my new post-argument anthem. Although it might be a little harsh for some, I find the frank emotions of the song point to the irony of a strong, committed marriage.  After all, when you devote yourself to a lifelong Sacrament, you are going to feel crazy with your spouse sometimes.  But the irony is that even though he may drive me crazy, at the end of the day, I feel God's presence working in my life, in our marriage, and I can't imagine myself anywhere else.

When Anxiety Attacks...

The last few weeks (or months depending on when you start counting) have been a whirlwind of craziness.  Granted, I know our everyday routine isn't exactly simple.  However I can't help but feeling like things have been extra crazy as of late.  I have spent all summer just going & going & going.  My to-do lists have been growing & I see no sign of an end.  I've had a few bouts of insomnia even though I'm exhausted most of the time.  I'm just running from one fire to the next, trying to put them out.

I have come to realize that this is no way to live.  I miss having some quiet time for myself, time to sleep, read/blog, or just to play with the girls.  I've recently had Philippians 4:6 come into my path several times.  I think it's a not-so-subtle message from the Almighty that I need to make a part of my daily recitation.

So, I'm going to try my hardest to present all my anxieties to God, knowing that He will take care of them.  Certainly this approach can be challenging because it requires surrender.  But I think we all could use a life jacket when we feel like we're drowning.  And God's love provides the best life jacket available!

Helping the "Needy"

My husband is a very giving person.  Whether he's shuttling kids to youth group, delivering food pantry goods to families with bare cupboards or counseling those in times of crisis, it seems he is always helping others.  These acts certainly go along with the duties of being a youth minister, but he goes beyond that & takes the disciple nature to another level.  My heart is warmed every time I see the needy families he helps...

...Unless the "neediness" of these families is questioned.

Over the years, there have been times when I find out that the people who are the recipients of our time & efforts aren't as needy as they let on.  Poor financial choices tend to drive some of these needy people to our front door.  I'm not talking about people who barely make enough to pay their bills.  I'm referring to those who take from the food pantry while buying newer cars, gadgets, video games or other "extras."  Recently, someone told Jesse that they had no money to buy an A/C unit that was desperately needed.  So, we were able to come up with a unit & took it to their house to drop off.  I was more than a little surprised to see they had just purchased a huge, brand new flat screen TV.  Another time, someone actually had the audacity to request specific brands of food be stocked at the food pantry since those were what they liked.

On the surface, both of these (true) examples leave me speechless since I can't imagine how some people can be so forthright, especially when they are the recipients of charitable acts!  However, our society has become very self-focused, so feelings of entitlement & "What's in it for me?" abound.  I suppose it's no wonder people feel they really are needy.  But, it's time we start separating our true needs from our wants & prioritize them.  Of course doing this requires some self-restraint which, in my opinion, is practiced far too infrequently nowadays.

I tend to get easily frustrated by these situations & know this is something that I have to work on.  We are practicing much more due diligence with our giving, which seems unfortunate because it takes the focus away from those who are legitimately in need of assistance.  Even though I don't always recognize it, there are blessings coming through these situations.  After all, as the Prayer of St. Francis states, "...it is in giving that we receive."  I'll keep reciting this mantra in the hopes it helps me deal with these situations better each time they occur.

Vacation Bible School

Jesse has been too busy to put together a VBS program this summer (plans are in the works for VBS Summer 2014 at St. Jude) so I enrolled our two oldest in the Vacation Bible School program at our former parish.  This morning was the first day of the VBS week, so I took all three girls with plans to drop off our oldest two for the morning.

I had suggested to Jesse that perhaps he should take the girls because I knew they would have separation issues if I took them.  Unfortunately he had a horrible toothache & had scheduled a dentist appointment, so I had the dreaded task of reminding them I would be back in a few hours & that they should stay & have a good time.  Fifteen minutes of hugs, kisses, tears & reassurances of my prompt return, I walked out of the church, listening to stifled sobs as I left.

Naturally, I felt guilty about leaving them, especially since the program leader wasn't doing much to convince any of the kids that they would have a good time.  And of course, I couldn't stop myself from thinking, "If Jesse & I were running this, we would..."  I guess I'll have some suggestions for next year's VBS planning.  Needless to say, when I picked them up at lunchtime, both girls were very excited about all the things they learned that day.  And I'm sure they will continue to enjoy themselves as the week progresses.  But, if every drop-off is prefaced with an episode like I had today, I think Jesse will be taking them!

Under Construction

For the past couple of weeks, Jesse has been doing a major overhaul of his offices & storage areas.  Since we live about 20 minutes from our parish, I couldn't have imagined that this would impact our home life in any way.  How silly of me!

Although we don't have any of the actual organization/cleaning/renovating happening here, I feel like I'm living in the midst of a construction zone!  The scope of this project has expanded beyond what I thought.  It has been very stressful to have all of this going on in the midst of our typical routine which is busy enough on its own!  I keep having to remind myself that this construction period is only temporary.  The end product will be worth it.

"Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be."  ~ Khalil Gibran

Gibran certainly has it right.  I can't count how often I find myself getting caught up in the details!  When I find myself doing this, I try to take a step back & see the forest through the trees, so to speak.  It is a good centering activity to help me focus on the greater picture and usually helps me get refreshed before jumping back into the details.

I know this office project will be over soon and then Jesse will have a wonderful, professional office (pictures to follow!).  And all of the chaos will have been worth it.  Then it will be time to focus that same organizational effort on our house...but that's another project for another day!

Family Time Out

Well, it finally happened....our family went on vacation!  But before you get images of a relaxing beach, a theme park or some exotic location, let me stop you there.  We drove 7 hours to Indianapolis for my cousin's high school graduation.  Months ago, when we first began planning our trip, I suggested that since we would have to be in Indy anyway, we might as well spend a few extra days there & do some fun activities with the girls.  How nice it would be to take the girls to the Children's Museum (I haven't been there since I was little) as well as check out the Indy Zoo (we have a love of zoos & check them out in all the areas we visit).

The weather was perfect, sunny & warm.  Perhaps the best part of this vacation was that it gave me time to reflect & take a pause from everyday life.  I cannot express how wonderful it was to spend 7 straight days with my husband & children.  Although there were a few stressful moments, overall we had a wonderful time just being together as a family.

My aunt took this picture right after we got back from Mass.  I'm so blessed!

Although I wish we were able to get away like this more often, it certainly helped me appreciate the time we did have.  And, as with all vacations, I was all too quickly thrown back into the chaos of everyday life.  But, I came away from this trip with the awareness that I need to carve out some time for myself each day, as well as continue my effort to have more family time.

Sorry I've been away from the blog world for so long.  This little vacation also reminded me why I started this blog in the first place & I look forward to posting lots more about life as a youth minister's wife!

May the Sixth...Maybe Not

Beginning with the birth of our third daughter, Madeline, back in July, our lives have been a whirlwind.  I'm used to the fast paced life that comes with children, working full-time & keeping up with the youth minister schedule.  But, when Jesse took his job as a religious education coordinator shortly after Maddie was born, this pace seemed to kick into high gear.  One of the main reasons for this was because the job required much more time & energy, along with the many meetings, events & sacraments to prepare for.  When I wrote out the craziness of each month on our refrigerator white board, Jesse & I would remind ourselves, "We just have to get to May 6th."   For on that date was the last major event of the year...confirmation.  Then, after that, we knew the pace would slow & we could spend significantly more time together.

May 6th has come & gone.  And in reality, our hopes shouldn't have hinged on that date since it has taken a few weeks for things to start to slow down.  Regardless, we are now weeks past that date & the pace has slowed, if only a little bit.  As much as I would like to say we've rekindled our romance, spent evenings engaged in deep conversation or something like that, I can't.  As a matter of fact, things have been really difficult for us since our time together has increased.

I feel like we've spent the past 5+ years learning how to be apart, developing our own routines & nuances.  And now that our time overlaps, we are stumbling all over each other.  When asked if we would recognize each other now that we have more time together, I jokingly told someone that, "Most couples have difficulties because they drift apart.  We'll be the ones with issues because we're too close."  But really, there is a lot of truth in that statement.  We are certainly having trouble coping.

So I've been praying a lot & finding comfort in the little things.  When Jesse had been a youth minister for a year or two, I came upon the song, Lead Me by Sanctus Real.  I find myself coming back to this time and again when we hit a difficult patch.  I encourage all couples, especially those with long hours away from each other, to listen to this & find encouragement & strength in the lyrics.

"Show me you're willing to fight.  That I'm still the love of your life.  I know we call this our home, but I still feel alone."