When I Grow Up ~ Part 2

Where do you see yourself in five years?

I hate this question. It's the twisted cousin to the benign childhood question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I started tackling that answer in this post. So now, I'm picking up where that story left off...

Ever since having children, I have really struggled with wanting to carve out a successful, meaningful career while still being incredibly involved & active in raising my children. This is a struggle for working moms everywhere & a simple internet search will turn up countless articles supporting this statement. In a perfect world, if money were no obstacle, I would stay home every day with my little ones, having learning time, playtime, field trips to the library/zoo/children's museum & just enjoying watching them grow. Jesse loves his work & is very dedicated to his ministry, so I would be content to allow him to flourish in that career & blossom in my own as a full-time mommy. However (reality check!), a youth ministry paycheck & lack of benefits aren't enough to sustain us. So, we need both paychecks as well as the health insurance that my job provides & his doesn't.

With that stark reality, I have come to the realization that if I must work outside the home, then I want to do work that is meaningful & allows me to use my education & expertise to the best of my ability. I have gone about trying to achieve this in a variety of ways...

• Using my current job as the ultimate learning experience: In this mindset, I try to make the most of my current work experience. I have attended trainings, participated in team projects & done my best to learn & build up my skill set.
• Finding fulfillment elsewhere: I recently became an adjunct faculty which has helped me find fulfillment in at least some of the work I do! However, it is difficult to be in a lackluster job for 40+ hours a week & balance that feeling of inadequacy with smaller quantities of time where I do find fulfillment.
• Seeking out other employment opportunities: For the past four to five years, I have been actively looking for another job. I have applied for countless jobs & had at least half a dozen interviews. All of this has honed my job search & interview skills, but has not actually resulted in a change of employers.
• Pray & trust that God's Will be done: I heard this type of TRUST described as True Resolve Under Severe Testing. Nearly eight years of frustrating job conditions coupled with four small children, opposite work hours with my spouse & a nearly constant job search & I certainly feel like I have been severely tested! I have continued my devotion to Mary, Undoer of Knots & offer up my situation routinely in prayer.

I'd rather not look back on all of the difficult & frustrating circumstances of my current job & job search. Quite honestly, it can be painful to feel that you aren't qualified enough for a job or didn't have what the employer was looking for. That quickly spirals into the school of thought, "I wonder if I'll ever get out of here?" So, I'd rather just look forward.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Honestly, I don't know. I'd like to be working on projects I feel passionate about, contributing to a greater good. Providing an example to my children that even though Mommy can't be home full-time, I am spending my time away from them doing good for others. That is rather vague, but given the journey I am on, it's the only answer I can give right now. Hopefully, in God's time, I will go where He leads me & find amazing things along the way.

When I Grow Up ~ Part 1

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Sounds like a simple question. And from a young age, it is something we are routinely asked & seemingly encouraged to think about. But, in my experience, it seems we have many answers to this question. At thirty years of age, I am still struggling (deeply struggling, actually) with how to answer this one question.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a vet (don't we all!?!) & wanted to work with horses. As I got older, I wanted to be an author like my favorite, Laura Ingalls Wilder. In high school, I decided I wanted to be a lawyer & even did a short stint shadowing a local attorney. Although that experience was very boring (in my high school-aged opinion), I continued on with that path & entered college as a pre-law major.

Upon arriving at college, I was greatly disappointed with the pre-law program. All the law courses were taught by the same professor who was not very challenging & didn't appear to have a passion for her students or the material she was teaching. After one semester, I visited the campus where I would be going for law school per the program requirements. Feeling less than impressed with that campus & a gut feeling that it just wasn't for me, I decided to switch majors. In high school, I had taken an accounting course & felt that perhaps that would be a better path. So, the summer after my first year of college, I became an accounting major.

Whether the change was for the better or not, I can't really say. Even though I was an accounting major, I knew I didn't want to be doing audits & taxes my whole life. A terrible internship experience in a CPA firm confirmed that decision. After completing my bachelor's degree in three years, I stayed at the same university to complete a master's of business administration. Knowing I didn't want to be a CPA, I understood the value that an MBA could have in rounding out my business acumen, rather than being pigeon-holed into accounting jobs. I always enjoyed higher education, but really loved the type of learning that the master's-level courses provided.

Upon graduation, I still didn't know what I wanted to do. But I knew I had to build up some real-world experience. So, I took a job as a financial analyst with a manufacturing company. The first six months of the job should have been an indication of what to expect. It was a newly created position & from the beginning, management struggled with finding enough projects/tasks to keep me busy. At this point, I began to develop a terrible, woe-is-me attitude about work. Looking back, I had nothing but negative experiences in job shadowing, internships & now a first job. Why couldn't I find something/someone who loved what they do & emulate that?!

Fast forward...marriage, four kids, home purchase...now nearly eight years later, I am still at the same job I took right out of college. How do I feel about that? Frustrated, angry, emotional, aggravated. I haven't moved "up the ladder" & there isn't really a defined path of where that ladder would go, assuming there was one. No considerable pay raises or leadership/management experience either. I have (thankfully!) been able to have flexibility & the opportunity to work from home when Jesse has retreats or work conferences. But, I often wonder, once our kids are all in school & we don't really need as much flexibility, what will I be doing still working here? It's a question I ponder a lot...along with that nagging question...

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Part Two can be found here.

20 Exciting Ideas for Moms for Lent

Each year, I try to come up with some new ideas of things to do during Lent. I try my best to honor the thing(s) I pick, but sometimes (ok, more often than I would like to admit) I forget & then say, "Well, I already fell off the wagon, so what's the point of continuing?" But this year, I am not allowing myself that conversation. Even if I get busy & forget for a week, I will still continue as best I can through the end of Lent.

By our very nature, mothers are constantly sacrificing for our husband & children. And it is important to feel that we are sacrificing during this very holy time in the Church. After all, we are preparing ourselves to celebrate the beauty of Jesus' sacrifice...the ultimate sacrifice. My list of Lenten ideas includes some new ways to sacrifice for others, but also strongly focuses on ways to enrich your spirituality during this time. Pick one or two to do this Lent. I hope you will join me on this journey & I look forward to hearing about your Lenten journey.

1. Get up 30 min before your alarm & spend that time in prayer. If you need a good reflection book, I recommend A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms.

2. If you use a dishwasher, wash the dishes from one of your meals each day by hand. Use the time to pray.

3. Donate your time to a shelter for abused women & children.

4. Fast in between meals. Offer it up for the souls lost to abortion & miscarriage.

5. Compliment a fellow family on how great it is to see them bring young children to Mass.

6. Listen to Catholic Radio. We recently got EWTN Radio in our area...it is changing my life! If it isn't broadcast in your area, you can listen to it at iHeartRadio.

7. Find someone to watch the kids so you can go to confession. This can be a tough one for moms because if your kids are little like mine, you can't bring them into the confessional, but you can't leave them unattended in a pew.

8. Take the money you would spend on your Starbucks habit (or whatever other spending vice you have) & donate it to the CRS Rice Bowl initiative.

9. Send a handwritten note to another mom friend. We all know the joy of getting something heartfelt & unexpected in the mail.

10. At bedtime, recite the Hail Mary with your children. If they don't know it, they will by the end of Lent. If they learn that, add another prayer each evening. We are working on learning the St. Michael prayer right now.

11. Invite your priest to dinner at your house. They appreciate the fellowship!

12. Start a weekly family prayer night. Use the Live IT Gathering Guide & weekly videos to open dialogue & prayerfully prepare for the coming week's Gospel reading.

13. When you see your husband doing a habit that drives you crazy, offer it up rather than bugging him about it.

14. Give your husband a kiss before you go your separate ways for the day. Likewise, give him a kiss goodnight.

15. Offer authentic, kind smiles to other moms you see. Sometimes we are too quick to judge each other.

16. Pray with your kids in the car on the way to school. Ask them who they want to pray for. Appreciate the beauty & simplicity of their prayers.

17. Sign up for the Best Lent Ever from Dynamic Catholic. You will receive a daily email/video to help focus your day & challenge you to change your habits. I signed up today & I'm BEYOND excited about it!

18.Pray the Litany of Humility every day.

19. Join the 50 Shades of Grace novena. Let's pray for the end of such a violent pornographic film. You can also join the "50 Bucks not 50 Shades" campaign & donate $50 to a domestic violence shelter or pregnancy crisis center.

20. Dedicate 6 minutes every day of Lent to read the Little Black Book. The book was distributed by our local parish; Jesse & I are both planning to use it this year. You can order one online for $4. They are compact & convenient while guiding you through the Passion story. It only takes a few minutes to read. Put it in your car & read it while waiting to pick up your kids from school or practice.

“[But] take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father" ~Matthew 6:1

Small Success Thursday: Contentment

From the outside, nothing about the past week would seem different from any other week. We had the usual activities: work, school, college course I'm teaching, dentist appointments, trip to the mechanic, etc. Yet, there was something different about it. It's difficult to describe, but for the longest time, I felt like I was just flying through the various events of the day & fighting an uphill battle to survive all the frustrations that our tiny rental house brought with it. But, since we've moved & settled, I feel like there is so much less that I have to contend with. I actually feel & am enjoying (dare I say it?!) being content & present in the moment.

Now, I realize that life has a way of throwing things at you when you least expect it, so I'm going to enjoy the present moment while I have it. With that in mind, all of my successes this week involve

- I played with my kids. I realize this might not seem that momentous, but these are small successes after all! It had been a while since I actually got down on the floor & played. And we had so much fun!

- I spent some time adequately preparing for religious ed class, instead of waiting until the last minute to throw something together. It was a success! The kids enjoyed it, I enjoyed it. I have one student this year who has been particularly challenging to keep focused. I assigned my helper to sit with him during class to keep him focused, & it worked great. He even came up to me at the end of class & asked me to tell his mom the good news about his behavior!

- I was able to continue unpacking a few more boxes. The storage room with all the kids' clothes is organized & all the plastic containers have been appropriately marked. I reorganized our movies & posted an entertainment system cabinet for sale that we can't use. Feels like we're settling in! Now, I have to get to organizing my spaces (make-up table, closet, books).

- I love listening to TED & TEDx talks at work. They are extremely motivating, encouraging & exciting. I encourage you to check out the YouTube channel.

You can read more SST posts at Catholic Mom. One additional comment since today is the March for Life in DC. I can't believe it has been a decade since Jesse & I went to our first march together. The pro-life movement is so important to me as a mom, but also a human being. It is so important that we do whatever we can to keep being a voice for the voiceless!

Why I'm Pro-Life

I have a hard time accepting that we live in a society where the President would stand so blatantly against protecting unborn babies as he did here. I posted this article & comment on social media. It immediately started to attract comments, both positive & negative, educated & not. I usually don't respond to such comments, but based on the tone of what was being said, I did decide to make a few comments, which I share below.

1) I do not believe that being pro-life has to be a religious issue at all. With all of the advances in science, we have gone above & beyond to show (to "prove") that these are lives, lives that have a right to be lived. There is no difference between killing a baby while in the womb or waiting until the baby is born & then killing it. I am pro-life not solely because of my religious beliefs & I think there are plenty of others who aren't of my faith or religious at all who are also pro-life. Check out this article from a pro-life atheist, he brings up some really awesome points.

2) Being pro-life should go hand-in-hand with being pro-women's rights, not against it. In fact, there is a whole group called Feminists for Life that explains why the earliest feminists were pro-life & why you can be a feminist & still be pro-life. Unfortunately, gender inequalities still exist in our country. Our society does not do nearly enough to support & encourage mothers. Our job is made harder because we have to fight to be a mother & a working professional. Rather than try to encourage societal change so that raising children is more acceptable rather than an inconvenience to employers, we are told it is easier to get rid of the yet unborn baby so we don't have to feel the pinch of trying to balance it all. I read an article that said society is prejudiced against mothers (especially single mothers) & by giving women a way out of motherhood, we are accepting & perpetuating that prejudice.

3) Research shows that not only are these babies feeling pain while being aborted, but they cry out. It is disgusting to me that anyone, especially a public figure such as the President would turn in the face of such research & threaten to veto any measure that would protect these innocent babies. I don't believe that being pro-life is a religious issue, nor do I think it is a political one. I think it is a human issue. The fact that we are killing our own children, in the one place where they should be truly safe & cared for, is disgusting.

That is why I am pro-life.

Seeing the Little Way

As the mother of four children, I often have the privilege of overhearing conversations among them. These discussions range from funny to serious, gross to factual. Sometimes, they go something like they did this morning...

Bella (age 4): "They put Jesus on the cross & he died."

Sophie (age 6): "Yeah, they put nails through his hands right here [points to her palms] & through his feet [demonstrates how Jesus' feet look on the crucifix]."

Bella: "But that's so sad."

This conversation went on for a few more minutes, all the while, my heart swelled knowing that the girls are absorbing all the Bible stories we share with them. The crucifix is an ever-present & constant reminder of the most important of these stories. But, what struck me more than the accuracy with which Sophie & Bella shared details of the crucifixion was the way in which Bella reacted to the various elements of the story. At four years of age, the story of the crucifixion is still "new" & her reactions are genuine. And this had me thinking, "As adults, have we become numb to the true emotions that the crucifixion story should evoke?"

St. Therese of Lisieux is a much-revered & loved saint in our house. We have a special devotion to her & her influence can be felt in various elements of our lives. Her name is the one I chose at confirmation & is shared by our oldest daughter (Sophia Therese). One of her main teachings was that of "The Little Way." That is to say that we can follow God through our littleness, in becoming childlike in the eyes of God & being obedient to Him. It is a mantra that I try to live by as much as possible.

I believe that this childlike nature should not only be in how we perform our duties, but also in how we see the stories of the Bible. In listening to Bella's response to the pain that Jesus felt, it makes me pause to take a closer look at how I think about the stories of Jesus' pain & suffering. We are inundated with images of pain, suffering & death on television, movies, video games, magazines, etc. Coupling that with the many countless times we hear the story & I think it's fair to say that we become desensitized to the actual events that happened on Golgotha. But seeing the story heard & felt through the eyes of my children has shown me a new way of thinking about & reflecting on these events. The next time I look at a crucifix or recite the Sorrowful Mysteries, I hope my emotional connection to the story will grow as I begin to feel it the way my children do, seeing it through the Little Way.

Small Success Thursday: Thank You

I have some people to thank on this Small Success Thursday...

Thank you to the author of this post. It's like she wrote it for me. Those are the emotions I feel, the highs & lows of being in ministry. It's the reason I wanted to start this blog, in the hopes of connecting with other youth ministry wives. It feels nice to know that others have seen our struggle & appreciate what we do behind the scenes.

Thank you to my husband for really shifting the balance in housework since we purchased our home. I have hours (literally hours) back to myself now that we have a dishwasher. And, he has made a huge effort to be home on a more routine basis.

Thank you to all the dinner guests we've entertained in the last two weeks. You have no idea how fortunate I feel that we have such good friends & now finally have a space to accommodate having you over for dinner & conversation.

Thank you to my children for our Tuesday family prayer nights. This is the thing I most look forward to each week. And sometimes it is the only thing that gets me through the week.

Thank you to the faculty member that invited me to begin teaching a college course this semester. It has been one of my life long dreams to teach in higher education & I am treasuring every moment. It breaks up the routine that I have followed for the last seven years. I pray that it may someday turn into something more permanent.

Thank you to local Catholic radio station that is now playing in our area. It gives me great joy to listen to stimulating faith conversation as well as prayerful moments throughout my day.

Christmas Cheer Exchange

This year, I decided to participate in the Christmas Cheer Exchange with a few other Mommy bloggers. Of course, since our move, I've been super behind on getting things posted & actually surprised myself that I was able to get the box out in time. Not surprisingly, I completely forgot to include any personal info when I sent it, so poor Rose had no idea the box was from me. Sorry about that!

Anyway, I have been looking forward to getting my little box in the mail. All I've received since we moved have been bills (including a fancy payment booklet for our monthly mortgage...can't wait to start paying that!) & offers of "Welcome to the neighborhood, please join our club..." So to get something other than that was a welcomed change!

So, when my box arrived, here's what it contained:

I loved the red nail polish & decided to use it right away! I don't paint my nails often enough, but always love how feminine & put-together I feel when I do. So, I'm having a hard time typing because I keep looking at how fancy my hands look!

I may or may not have eaten some of the dark chocolate & sea salt pretzels for breakfast this morning. Can I just say yum?! I'm also looking forward to trying out the gloves. They have special tips on the pointer & thumb to make them smart phone friendly. I have always wanted to try out this type of glove because I'm always on my phones (one for work, one for personal) & hate having to take off a glove to use them.

Special thanks Olivia at Snyders Tell All for all the goodies!

The Planner to End All Planners!

Last month, I attended a mom's night event at the girls' school where the topic was, "Time Management: How to Find the 25th Hour." We watched a really great time management instructional video. The techniques were great, incorporating your long-term goals with a daily agenda & your to-do list. The strategy was to think of organizing time in the same manner that you would organize a closet. Pretty insightful, I think.

I am a tactile learner, so although I've tried my best to use my phone, tablet, email or other software to manage all these things, it never stuck. I would use it for a little bit, but then found it too cumbersome & quickly lost interest. To combat this, I decided to embrace my love of writing down to-do lists & bought a simple composition notebook. I filled in three days on each page & added enough dates to get to the end of November.

Overall, I've been pleased with using this method. I benefit from the ability to write things down & keep to-do items in the same locale as bigger picture goals. I knew I wanted to get a true-blue planner for 2015. Although I liked the one offered by the time management expert from the video, it was a bit pricey & I wasn't sure if I totally loved it (and would use it). So, I decided to start looking at planners when I go to Target, WalMart, etc.

Then, last week, a friend of mine posted a Kickstarter video for the Passion Planner. I couldn't help but fall in love with the simplicity & beauty of it! It encompasses everything I want in my new planner, the option to combine personal & professional goals with a daily agenda. This is exactly the type of planner I would design if I had to build one from scratch for myself. I have already supported the Kickstarter for their compact version & will be getting two compact versions in their next shipment (I ordered Jesse one since I want him to get organized in the new year).

If you are in the market for a new planner or are looking for a better way to accomplish your personal goals, consider getting a Passion Planner. If you don't have the financial means to buy the planner, you can download the pdf of the weekly layout. Also, between now & December 3rd, if you share their Kickstarter video, they will send you the pdf of the 2015 layout for free! I can't wait to get my planner & start using it. I'll be sure to post a review of my Passion Planner in 2015 once I've been routinely using it for a while. Happy planning!

Small Success Thursday: Little Engine That Could

Lately, I've been reminding myself of the Little Engine that could. You know...the one who keeps repeating, "I think I can, I think I can." It's a mantra I keep saying over & over this week. But, despite all of the hectic things going on, I have quite a few things to celebrate...

This week, I blogged every single day! That's more than I had in the last three months. I've realized that even if no one reads this, it gives me a place to jot down my thoughts. Someday, I might even be able to show it to my kids so they get a glimpse of what life was like when they were little.

My husband & I wrote a really awesome bulletin article for our parish. I wish we were able to do more of that. I'm praying God will allow us further opportunities to work in ministry together.

We are four weeks strong on our Tuesday night family nights! It draws us closer as a couple & gives us time to teach our children about the gospel. Tuesdays have become the highlight of my week! Be prepared for an entire post (or several) about it!

I found the planner of my dreams. I recently watched an excellent video about time management & began implementing some of the strategies. After our move, I really think this is going to be a huge lifesaver for me. Out of blue, I saw a planner that fits exactly what I need. Tune in tomorrow for details on the planner & how you can try it out for free.

The coming week brings a lot of craziness, but I'm hoping to not only survive it, but feel accomplished. I'll just keep praying & reminding myself, "I think I can, I think I can!"

House Hunting

Over the spring/summer, I really didn't blog as much as I intended. One of the obvious reasons was Francis' arrival. However, we were spending a significant amount of time looking at houses. One of my goals for 2014 was to begin house hunting. And what a hunt it has been. Since the beginning of the year, we've probably visited more than 50 homes. We put offers in on three of them, which for one reason or another did not pan out. So, to say it's been a bit stressful & time consuming is an understatement!

But, the search came to a halt when we laid our eyes on this beautiful brick home.

 Although it was a bit cluttered & had way too much furniture, it was obvious that this house had ample space & storage for our large family. By this point (this being our fourth offer on a home), I was not allowing my heart to get invested in any further properties. There were three homes before this that I really liked & had started getting excited about when negotiations ended. So, it was hard for me to judge if I really loved this home at all because I was not emotionally hanging on to it, in case this one also fell through. After praying & considering our options, we put an offer in on this home.

We ultimately came to an agreeable contract & set a date for closing. But even then, I would not allow myself to get my hopes up...just in case. Each time I visited the house or flipped through the pictures I took, I could feel myself getting more & more excited. It was hard to believe the entire thing was actually happening. Then, the closing date came & everything actually happened as planned. We signed on the dotted line (actually lots & lots of signing), agreed to a mortgage & became homeowners!

As part of the agreement, we agreed to wait two weeks after the close to take possession, allowing the previous owners time to move into their new home. That's the time period we're in now...waiting (anxiously!) until next week when we finally get keys! We've been packing like squirrels readying for winter & trying to get as much done ahead of the big move. But, as the days count down, I still can't believe it's really happening. We actually own this beautiful home! Looking back now, I realize we are exactly where God wanted us to be, but in order to get here, we had to go through the process of all those other homes & offers.

I will try to blog about the move as much as I can, but we're getting ready to head into a couple of crazy weeks, so I'm not sure how much free time I'll have. But, rest assured, I have some great posts planned & also want to try sharing some decorating posts as we get settled in our new digs.

As for me & my household, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

Putting Family First!

This week, Jesse & I were asked to write the bulletin article since our priest is out of town. Here's what we came up with. I'm thinking we should figure out a way to make a living doing this!!

“We have to keep our kids busy with many activities so they stay out of trouble.”

“Let’s get through this month and we will take that family vacation…I promise.”

“Where did this week go?! I ran everywhere for everyone and I am exhausted.”

                 Life is zooming past us at such a hurried pace.  Time is our most precious asset, yet where & who are we spending it with? This week, we decided to show you some techniques that have worked for our family. Don’t think this means that we have it all together! Like many families, we struggle with all of the above scenarios, but wanted to share things that help us overcome it. We believe our culture has taken the family model & shattered its purpose. Society places a high value on entertainment & a fast-paced lifestyle. We are tricked into believing that if you aren’t busy, if you aren’t doing something, you aren’t creating value. Our value should be found in our relationship with God, not in how much we produce. God has led us out of slavery, yet often times we enslave ourselves to our work & other misguided priorities. Today, allow God to free you from those burdens! We need to reestablish the importance of our relationships & grow in faith as a family.

                Communication is essential!  We have to force ourselves to stop & reflect on what we did each day & share it with our families. Otherwise, we’ll just forget & just keep moving at 100mph. Part of prayer is reflection - it’s how we grow into better versions of ourselves. “What was your high today? What was your low today?” These are the two questions that each member of our family answers at the dinner table every evening. It’s a fun conversation starter & allows each person to tell us what they like & dislike about their day. As simple as this strategy is, it helps us to connect as a family. We believe that if we are able to talk about the small stuff every day, then it will make it easier for us to discuss the more challenging situations as they arise.

                Another key component of communication is honesty. Our children need to see us succeed in life, but they also need to see us fail…and learn from our failures. By being examples for our children & being honest with them, we are giving them a realistic example of what it means to be an adult, to be a parent. We need to forget about trying to be the “perfect” family & give thanks for our real family. Life is not perfect, in fact sometimes it is downright messy! But we need to embrace all of it, & show our children that loving each other through all of these situations is more important than how we look to others & is a key component in obtaining grace.

                Communication takes time. Right now you might not be able to fathom how you’re going to find quality time in your busy schedules, but trust us to say that you must make family time a priority! It has taken us many years with Jesse’s chaotic schedule to find this balance. But, with our children now in school, we knew family time had to take place. So, we began our Tuesday night family night. Every Tuesday, after school & work, we come home, prepare & eat dinner together & then spend our evening with the TV/phone turned off, spending quality time together. We’ve also begun to incorporate a weekly gospel reflection with questions & a video that lead us into discussion. This allows us to share our love for our faith with our children & teach them how they can learn from & interpret the weekly readings in their own lives. As parents & a married couple, this tool has also been beneficial as we now take time to read & reflect on the gospel & come to Mass prepared & engaged. If you are interested in joining us & doing the reflections as a family, go to http://massimpactus.blogspot.com/.

                When God called Elijah up the mountain, God was calling him to be present on the mountain. God understood that when Elijah climbed to the top, he was going to be thinking ahead to climbing down. The literal translation of what God said to Elijah means, “Be on the mountain.” Isn’t it human nature to be thinking ahead to the next thing, the next plans? When it comes to family & faith, we need to be present, be family. Don’t spend all your energy moving so fast, thinking forward to the next thing. Just be. Stop. Breathe. Enjoy the view of the mountains. Enjoy being together. Enjoy being a family.

                Please keep our family in your prayers, we are keeping you in ours as well. Let’s do this together! God bless, Jesse & Jessica

To the lady sitting behind me at Mass yesterday...

- Yes, I am aware of the stares I receive when I bring four children under age seven to Mass by myself.

- I did notice the not-so-nice glances you were directing towards my two-year old. What can I say, she's a wonderful little spirit! I don't tolerate highly disruptive behavior during Mass, but she was being a two-year old & doing the normal things they do. This includes babbling about people & things she sees, walking up & down the pew, etc. I won't force her to sit in complete silence, stuffing her with Cheerios or playing games on my phone because I use those chatty moments to teach her about Jesus & help her fall in love with the Mass.

- I am aware of our church's cry room, however I really only use it in emergencies. I prefer my kids sit where they are able to focus on the Mass & watch what is happening.

-Every time I was frustrated by your dirty glances, I repeated to myself what the lady at the grocery store said to me on Saturday. She was walking past me & my "push one cart, pull one cart" method of shopping with all the kids by myself & said in sweet & understanding way, "You have my undying admiration." It made my heart smile.

P.S. I offered up my frustrations for you & whatever is going on in your life. I hope the next time you see a mom with a bunch of kids in Mass, you are able to give them a kind eye...or at least look away & not stare.

Small Success Thursday: School & Home

The last two weeks have been so incredibly busy. I'm still trying to get my hands around it so we can settle in to a normal pattern. I'm looking forward to spending the next three days at home with the kids, getting the house in order & planning for the future. With that in mind, here are my successes of the past week.

- We had open house at the school last night. Sophie & Bella were very excited to take us into their classrooms & show us all the things they've been working on in school. We are very fortunate that both girls have fantastic teachers & their classrooms reflect that. I even got to meet one of Bella's classmates & exchange phone numbers with her mom. I am excited for my shy Bella to start having playdates & making friends.

- I don't want to celebrate yet, but all signs are pointing towards a successful house purchase! This has been a long process, several houses fell through at various steps in the process. Because of our past experiences, I'm not getting overly excited. I'll start that process after we get the keys & officially begin to move in. Right now, there are still too many hurdles to overcome before we are at that point. In the meantime, I will say that the house is amazing & would provide about twice the amount of space we are currently living in. If/when this house comes to fruition, you'll be hearing about it & I'll share lots more!

- My third grade religious ed class is off to a great start. This is the first time I'm teaching the same grade, as I've bounced around the last couple of years. So I'm looking forward to taking my curriculum & making a few adjustments based on my experience last year. The kids are attentive & excited. I also have a high school senior & recent Confirmand as my class helper. She's very excited to take a role in helping prepare these kids for their First Communion in the spring.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm looking forward to finishing up a couple of blog posts I've been working on. Jesse is working at a retreat tomorrow & Sunday is religious ed, so we've blocked off Saturday as a family day. Yay!

Small Success Thursday: In the Chaos

This week has been incredibly hectic! I left the house at 7:30am & didn't get home until 9pm last night. After putting the kids down for bed, it was all I could do to stay awake to crawl into bed. So, Small Success Thursday is being posted on Friday.

Last week, when I looked ahead to this week's agenda, I knew it would be hectic & I would need lots of patience & prayers to get through it. My maternity leave ended (all too soon) & I returned to work on Monday. Our oldest started first grade & Jesse resumed teaching 8th grade theology. We have been working all week to get back into a routine & it hasn't been easy. But, I think we'll eventually work out the kinks & get back to some semblance of normal.

1) I found myself saying over & over, "We'll try again tomorrow." It's very handy & calming when circumstances changed & obstacles came up. Just imagine the possibilities...

"Mommy, I was tardy on my second day of school."

"We'll try again tomorrow."

"The baby fussed & cried for an hour until you got here."

"We'll try again tomorrow."

"The diaper bag doesn't have any burp clothes or a change of clothes for the toddler."

"We'll try again tomorrow."

2) I've always wanted to teach higher education. My dad was a college professor until he got sick & I always loved the college environment. I have been offered the opportunity to teach a freshman business course beginning in the spring 2015 semester at Gannon University (our alma mater!). I am shadowing the current professor of the course this fall & attended the first class yesterday. I had a lot of butterflies, but the longer I spent in the classroom, the better I felt about being able to teach this material. It was also very nostalgic to walk around the campus where Jesse & I met & fell in love. I have so many wonderful memories of my college years & I can't wait to be back more often!

3) The baby slept from 9pm-4am the other night. I woke up at 2am in a minor panic because he hadn't stirred yet. But when I reached my hand into the co-sleeper & felt his little chest going up & down, I quickly retreated back to dreamland. I'm thankful to the little guy for letting me get a few additional hours of uninterrupted sleep...goodness knows I need it this week!

4) This one hasn't happened yet, but I'm counting down the hours because for the first time in I don't know how long, neither Jesse or I have any commitments this weekend, so we are actually going to enjoy a full, three-day weekend as just the six of us. I can't wait!!

Small Success Thursday: Renewed Faith

I really enjoyed doing the Small Success Thursday (SST) link up with CatholicMom.com & so as part of my renewed plan to begin blogging again, I'm going to use SST as a way to journal the everyday happenings that get lost in the chaos as well as forcing me to blog at least once a week!

This past week has been very hectic, full of highs & lows. But the greatest outcome of all the craziness is a feeling that I need to stop focusing on everything around me & spend more time in prayer...

1) We attended the FEST a couple weeks ago & I stopped by the Mom's Relaxation Station to pick up a bag full of goodies. In the bag, I discovered a pamphlet for Mary Undoer of Knots. I had never heard of it, but as I read about its meaning, I feel compelled to pray the novena & begin this devotion. Wish me luck...I'm starting tonight!

2) Jesse had an amazingly successful Young Disciples retreat in my hometown this past weekend. As part of the takeaway, he asked everyone to share what they were most thankful for during the trip. When it was his turn, my sweetheart said he was most thankful for a supportive & loving wife because without me, none of his work would be possible. I'm so fortunate to have such a great man of God to call my husband.

3) When I got home from the retreat weekend, Jesse had cleaned up the house & grilled an amazing dinner, complete with a warm fire in the outdoor pit & candles on the patio. It makes me feel so special & loved as a wife when he does these types of things for me.

Smiling with JPII at the FEST!

STOP - in the name of Love!

I had a lot of things I wanted to get done yesterday. School supply shopping, returning library books, baking a few sweets, exchanging some baby clothes for bigger sizes, going to the bank, writing baby shower thank you notes, sending a few emails...the list could be endless. Since this is my last week home on maternity leave, I started the morning out with lots of motivation & determination. Jesse was on a confirmation retreat all day, Sophie & Bella are camping with my parents, so I only had two kiddos to drag around on all these errands.

I figured the best way to tackle all of the running around errands would be to take two trips; one in the morning & then one after nap time. Very doable, right? I couldn't have been more wrong!

The morning started out fine & we successfully made it to the bank, library & Target. Maddie fell asleep on the way home & was incredibly grumpy when we got home. Francis wet through his outfit & onto my shorts (outfit change #1). Then, I tried compiling a school supply list while Maddie played quietly for a few minutes before nap time. This is where it all went downhill. Maddie was overly tired & so I spent the next two hours putting her in bed, hearing her get up & come down the stairs, then picking her up & placing her back in her bed. Repeat. For two hours. Finally, I gave up & decided if she just stayed awake that she would go to bed earlier.

Francis woke up a couple times during this nap time fiasco & after feeding him, he showed his appreciation by spitting up all over me (outfit change #2). Since we were going stir crazy in the house by this point, I took them outside for a walk. On our way back, Francis wet through his diaper & since I was carrying him in a front pack, he tinkled all down my leg (outfit change #3). Maddie was throwing a big fit that we had to go back in the house so I could change.  It was at this point that I recited my favorite, albeit simple, prayer.  "Mary, Mother of God, please give me patience."

Once in the house with everyone melting down, I realized that I needed to give up on my wish list of items to accomplish & just stop. Stop & pay attention. Stop in the name of love & do what my kids needed. So, I took both kids upstairs & sat with them in the rocking chair. I hummed a few tunes & within a couple of minutes, Maddie, the child who had been fighting nap time for hours, suddenly gave up the battle & cuddled on my lap, sleeping soundly.

As I sat rocking my babies, part of me wanted to just lay them down & resume my to do list projects. But then another part of me realized I was accomplishing things...they just weren't items on my list. And, I was exactly where I needed to be in that moment. This might not seem earth-shattering, but it really was an eye opening moment for me. How often in our lives do we just do what we need to do for ourselves, but never stop to just listen to God's whisper in our ear? Are we truly doing God's work if we don't stop to listen to our Father? Or if we are listening, do we not give Him our full time & attention but rather try to rush through it to get on to other things? My personal goal for the week is to take time out, not only for my kids, but my husband & my God. Can you do the same?

"Showered" with Love

For each of our pregnancies after Sophia (our oldest), Jesse & I have debated the etiquette of what is known as a "Baby Sprinkle."  For those of you not hip to this term, a baby sprinkle is basically a baby shower, except the expectant family already has a child or children.  Usually it happens when you are expecting a child of a different gender than your previous one(s).  So, in our case, as we had more daughters, Jesse would inform me that if/when we had a boy, that he would be throwing me a shower so we could get a few boy clothes to bulk up his closet.

After Francis was born, I didn't really think about our previous discussions, but Jesse had been.  A couple weeks ago, he asked me if I would give the talk at youth group.  He wanted the kids to hear about sacrifice, told from the perspective of a mother.  All day, I thought about what I would say to the kids, but I didn't really write too much down.  I have found in the past that my youth group talks are better when I jot down a few notes, rather than write out an entire speech.  At 6:30pm, Jesse came & picked us up to head to the church.  I was feeling alright about my topic, but still unsure if the kids would find it relevant.

Upon our arrival, I was surprised to walk into a superhero-themed baby shower (or baby sprinkle!).  I was shocked that Jesse was able to pull off the entire thing & catch me completely off-guard.  The room was so beautifully decorated, a delicious spread of food & many thoughtful gifts.

Then, as I walked around & greeted everyone, I was touched that so many people thought of us & were there to share in the joy of our new arrival.  I couldn't help but thank God for putting so many wonderful people in our lives.  Most of these people came into our lives through Jesse's ministry & it was very touching that they were so invested in our little Francis Oliver.  Even though ministry work can be very exhausting, moments like these make me so thankful.

I'm baaaaack!!

Confession time: I have not put any effort into blogging for the past couple of months.  Actually, that's probably not much of a shock if you've been kind enough to visit this blog during that time, hoping to see any new updates.

Good news: I've spent some time thinking about where I want this blog to go & I'm super excited to begin blogging again.  Hopefully it will blossom into the blog I envisioned when I first started writing.

Best news: The most exciting thing to happen during my time away was the arrival of the new addition to our family.  Allow me to introduce Francis Oliver...

He is a wonderful baby & such a blessing to our family.  We were not complete without him!  I will be sharing much more about him & our family as we go forward.

So, allow me to welcome you, either for the first time or returning, to the life lessons of a Catholic youth minister's wife!

The "Grass is Always Greener" Effect: Why I Can't Read Other Mommy Blogs

I decided to start a blog last year because I was hoping to find a community.  Perhaps some other working moms, youth ministers' wives, whatever it was.  I spend my time either at work or with my kids & hubby.  I don't go out much.  I can count on one hand since I've had kids how many times I leave everybody at home & just go out by myself to do something I enjoy.  So, the fact that this blog has been completely unsuccessful in that one goal is very disheartening & is often the reason I sit at my computer wondering whether I should even post the various draft blogs I have written.

Lately, I've really been feeling the panic that sometimes comes along with losing yourself to all the job titles that we as mothers have.  I am Jesse's wife; Sophie, Bella & Maddie's mom; I am someone's employee; I am the caregiver, housekeeper, dishwasher, laundry do-er, bill payer, kisser of boo-boos, planner of family events...the list is never ending.  But somewhere in that list, I've forgotten to include myself or anything that I enjoy doing for me.  I realize it is a big part of my unhappiness, but I can't seem to find anything that I'm passionate about just for me.  My parents love the movie, "The Bridges of Madison County."  It's not one of my personal favorites, but there is a quote from that movie that keeps playing in my mind...

"When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children, in one way her life begins but in another way it stops.  You build a life of details.  You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move.  And when they leave they take your life of details with them.  And then you're expected to move again only you don't remember what moves you because no one has asked in so long.  Not even yourself."

I can't speak to the part about children moving away yet, but I can certainly relate to not remembering what moves me because I have become so identifiable with my family & their needs.  This feeling is only perpetuated when I read other people's blogs.  In particular, I find myself angry when I read about the stay at home mom who takes online courses or the posts about cute, simple recipes or adorable house decorations.  I suppose I should be encouraged, inspired or at the very least, indifferent to the happenings in the lives of other mommies.  However, most of the time the only thing I feel is frustration in being unable to live up to those standards & wishing I had the circumstances they have.  I find myself comparing myself to these other moms & feeling constantly inadequate.  It's not a personal thing against any of the moms writing these blogs, it's more in finding fault with my lack of motivation or ability to take on such things in my own life.

It's getting to the point where I'm not sure I should read those blogs at all anymore.  And, it is forcing me to take a long hard look at myself, the things that are most important to me in raising our kids, and what things in my life cause my unhappiness/lack of motivation.  The frustration lies in knowing what things I want to change, but having circumstances beyond my control keeping me from changing them.  Jesse has long said that I have to find things to do for myself so I have something to look forward to.  Although I agree with him, I'm not sure where to start.  I think turning to prayer needs to be more prominent so I can find some answers or at least peace with where I'm at.  After that, who knows.  But hopefully there will be some revelations in my life.